The Reality of Death

And I can say with confidence that...

We're all going to die.

My grandparents' graves

It is inevitable.

When I was younger, I attended the funerals of distant (both in blood and literally) family members, and it never really mattered to me. Like, I had no attachment to them. Sure, it was sad, but being young and not really fully appreciating what it means to grieve and mourn, it never hit me. I knew those distant family members were gone, I understood why my parents were sad, but I didn't really, truly care. It wasn't until I was an underclassman in high school that the reality of death became real to me with the death of my grandparents on my dad's side.

I actually got to know my grandparents. Even though they lived in California and I in Texas, my parents made sure that we got to visit them and that they got to visit us frequently while I was growing up. When all my dad's siblings immigrated here from the Philippines, we held annual family reunions! So, losing them at the beginning of high school was pretty hard.

With their deaths, I began to ask myself, in sadness..."How can I cope with the loss?", "Are they in heaven?" and other usual questions.

I lost my grandfather at the beginning of my freshman year of high school. Things were going downhill for him that summer. I forget what caused him to decline, but I think it had something to do with cysts that developed internally that compromised his health. I remember visiting him in the hospital and a month later having to attend his funeral. His was the first funeral I've ever been to for a close family member.

My grandmother passed away almost exactly a year later. Her memory was declining at the time of my grandfather's death, and I remember my aunt telling me that she could hear my grandfather calling out to her from beyond the grave. Creepily romantic, yeah? Late in the summer that year, she fell down and hit her head. She survived it for a while, but eventually she passed away.

When she passed away, yes, I was indeed really sad about it. But having gone through the process of grieving and mourning for my grandfather the year prior, I was more prepared this time around. But even more so, in that time between my grandfather's and grandmother's passing, I grew in my Catholic faith.

I started attending religious education classes at the start of high school as part of my learning and education in preparation for the sacrament of Confirmation. My grandfather passed away at the beginning of my freshman year, and I didn't really know how to cope. Thankfully, through those classes, I began to pay more attention to and learn more about the faith that my family has passed on to me. While I may not have understood the Catholic understanding of suffering and death at the time (maybe I still don't, or not that well), I knew that in dealing with my losses that the Catholic faith was something I could turn to. And yes, with both of their passings, I'm pretty sure I leveled up in my praying.

How can I cope? I don't know, but perhaps asking God to give my grandparents a nice little plot of heaven would be great. At least I know they'll be taken care of.

How can I deal with this sense of loss? I don't know, but maybe by asking God for a sense of peace and calm for my own sake would help me move on.

I'm pretty sure that in going through the process of the deaths of my grandparents helped solidify, in a real way, for me about being Catholic. I first realized I had to have humility. My grandparents don't belong to me nor to my dad and his many siblings. They belong to God. I had to acknowledge that there really is a God and that whenever we pass away, we hopefully return to His loving embrace in heaven. I also had to realize that the Church has given me ways to pray. When my grandmother was in the hospital, I took up a devotion to the Rosary because I didn't know how else to pray for her. Or myself. Or my family.

With praying and beginning to dive deeper into my Catholic faith, I could begin to make sense of death and how to deal with it.

So, with the passing of my grandparents, it became so, so, so real to me that...

Death is a reality. 

But there was this jerk who lived 2000 years ago who Death could not hold (that's why He's a jerk...to Death). He rose from the dead in all glory and power like He said He would. He showed us that death is not the end, and He invites us to be with Him and the Father who sent Him. Because of Him, the gates of heaven burst open! And heaven is where we can enjoy a sense of eternal joy and peace!

O Death, where is thy sting?!

...well maybe if Death had a stinger... o_O #joke

Knowing about Jesus, His Death, and His Resurrection...and His Church, I can arrive at a sense of peace when dealing with a loss.

And perhaps that's the attraction of Catholicism--that it provides a way of peace and sense in dealing with the reality of death and the teachings of Jesus on the reality of what comes after death. Catholicism doesn't have a cheap or cheesy understanding of the matter, but rather a beautifully rich and full sense of death and resurrection. And the "last things": heaven and hell.

So yeah. Looking back since then, I think coping with death always helps me turn towards my Catholic faith because through it, at least I know there is meaning and purpose. My understanding of the Church's mind on these matters is still a process of learning, understanding, and appreciating even as I deal with the deaths of others that are or are not close to me.

Please pray for my grandparents and for the repose of their souls! That they may enjoy the beatific vision of God in heaven!

- JD

Catholic Partyin'

Nuns have fun too, but this blog post about being Catholic at a bachelor party.

I'm currently sitting at an airport in Corpus Christi, TX waiting for a flight back home. I just got done spending time with two of my college buddies and their friends for my college buddies' combined bachelor party. They're getting married in a month and their weddings are two weeks part. Fun fact: they are each others' best man. Crazy, huh? I'm quite blessed and honored to be a groomsman in both of their weddings. I love those guys in a total bro way.

In summary, we didn't live out a plot line worthy of The Hangover 3, but the weekend was still full of adventure and some stereotypical bachelor party things.

I'm grateful that nothing crazy happened like someone harmed themselves or others from being too drunk, no wild cats ended up locked in the bathroom, no one got arrested, no nudity, no one got eaten by sharks, no one got mauled by seagulls and everyone still had lots of fun. I survived the weekend without a pressing need to make an appointment with a priest just to go to Confession, haha.

But without wasting time divulging the details from this weekend, I spent a lot of time reflecting on what I saw, heard, and experienced.

Because, being where I'm at now in my Catholic faith...it's difficult NOT to see the world through a Catholic lens. Even at bachelor parties.

This weekend made me think more about what it means to be a man. Not just any man, but man created in the image and likeness of God. How should he act and think? Does his outward expressions reflect his interior?  Questions like that. I know that, being a guy, we're built to be easily captivated by woman and her beauty, but it is easy to fall into wanting to satiate selfish desires. Too easy to view her as mere piece of flesh for the eyes and imagination to devour rather than seeing her soul past her outer beauty. And too much alcohol clouds the mind, the heart, and the eyes.

Also, this weekend made me think more about the vocation of marriage. It's interesting because for the man-about-to-be-married, he realizes that he must share in the life of another person and through that love...ANOTHER person comes to be. But sometimes I get the vibe from couples that married life is more about the husband and wife and not their future kids. And that's awkward to me. Really awkward.  Also, for the single guy or guy in a somewhat committed dating relationship with friends about-to-be married, it seems that the idea of marriage is like death.

(awkward pause where I don't do more blogging on the 45-minute flight back home because I'm an aerospace nerd and I was marveling at the wing and engine outside my window and then appreciated the tracts and tracts of land devoted to agriculture as observed from my vantage point thousands of feet in the air)

Why, to some guys, is marriage akin to death, worthy of the funeral march instead of wedding bells?  Is it because a married man is no longer a man free to do as he pleases?  That he can no longer enjoy non-commitment?  That his bros are no longer his highest priority?  Perhaps there is an element of truth of how getting married is like death.  No, it IS death--the death of self.  A man, if is he to live out true masculinity in marriage, needs to be willing to sacrifice his selfishness...his ego...his self-centeredness...his life...for her.  For her good.  To place her above himself.  To heaven.  It's not easy.  It's supposed to be difficult.  Where's the sense of adventure when he takes the easy route of looking and behaving inwardly?

Anyway, in brief summary...there's a lot to be thinking about in terms of what it means to be a man and what marriage means whenever you're at a bachelor party.  Worthy for other blog posts, undoubtedly.

Besides all that, there was other Catholic winning this weekend!

A friend I hadn't heard from in over a year...randomly calls me an an opportune lull in our bachelor partyin' to let me know that he has opened his heart to learn more about Catholicism.  Needless to say...I kind of disappeared from the rest of the guys for a while and ended up talking to my friend for over and hour to see where he was at and talk more about Catholicism.  Pretty dang awesome.  I'm so stoked to hear about stuff like that!

I feel like I should have blogged about or posted this somewhere...but...part of my devotions in participating in Fortnight 4 Freedom...is to pray a Rosary each day of the fortnight.  I have grown lax in my devoting a Rosary every day lately, and I have a renewed sense of commitment during this fortnight.  Not even a bachelor party stopped me from taking some time to do a Rosary each day!  What was really cool is I even got one of my friends who is getting married to join me for some Joyful praying ;-)

Lastly, I heard a Matt Maher song playing on the radio while on a Whataburger run this morning.  Sometimes all you gotta do is turn around!...and head back to the condo after securing some breakfast sandwiches...haha.

In conclusion, I had a pretty awesome weekend.  I hardly get the chance to hang out with my friends from college, and I'm grateful I had this opportunity to spend time with them before I show up as a groomsman for both their weddings next month.  Through stereotypical guy talk and life talk from a guy's perspective, I'm able to see the wisdom in having a Catholic perspective.  And it's not that hard to live out my Catholic faith in simple ways so as long as I will it and commit to doing it--while being receptive to those random out-of-the-blue moments, of course.

For ye-who-readeth this blog post, please keep my Future-Catholic-Friend-On-The-Phone in your prayers, that he continues to be open and receptive in all that the Catholic faith has to offer and that his desire to seek truth leads him closer to the greatest Truth of all--God.  Also keep my two College-Buddies-Who-Get-Married-Next-Month in your prayers, that they become prepared to take on the adventure that is marriage that images God's love.  Lastly, keep the rest of us guys also present at the bachelor party in your prayers, that we learn to live out authentic masculinity.  Deep down, that is what we, guys, all desire to do--to live as real men.

My life is Catholic.
- JD

Today's Miracle Moment

Just another typical Saturday.  Today, I had plans to go pray in front of an abortion clinic like I normally do.

I woke up at 6:45AM this morning after a late night watching The Avengers with my parents.  Got dressed.  Went downstairs.  Let my new puppy outside.  Let her back in.  Got in my car.  Drove to McDonald's to get a coffee because I really needed it.  Then I drove to my parish to wait in the parking lot for others to show up to carpool over to Planned Parenthood.

I arrived at my parish at about 7:10AM and no one else was there.  I decided to turn on some classical music because I didn't feel like listening to mainstream music.  7:20AM rolls around and no one had shown up yet.  I know I told people on Facebook to show up by 7:15AM.  Letting my mind wander, I thought about how I've been pretty much consistently praying in front of an abortion clinic once a month for little over a year now.  And I was satisfied with how I'm keeping up with it, although all those times I've prayed in front of an abortion clinic, I never saw apparent fruit from our presence in peaceful prayer.

Until today.

What my parish group normally prays is the full Rosary--all 20 Mysteries, using a booklet specific for pro-life Rosary-praying.  We usually try to get to Planned Parenthood by 8:00AM because that's when most of the clients start showing up for their appointments.  Since November, this particular Planned Parenthood we pray at hadn't been doing abortions because their abortion doctor had to quit or stop working at this location because he commutes from really far away multiple times a week, and he couldn't handle that anymore.  So for a while, this Planned Parenthood couldn't perform abortions because they hadn't replaced the doctor.  That, in itself, is a miracle.  But in the past month or two, they've resumed. Unfortunately.  This Planned Parenthood performs abortions on Saturdays, and that's why we usually try to be present and praying on a Saturday.

This morning's weather was awesome--beautiful, partly cloudy with a breeze.  When we arrived at Planned Parenthood, I noticed that the parking lot wasn't as full as it normally is.  Usually the security guards spend more effort directing clients where to park, but not this morning.  Probably because it's Memorial Day weekend... While that can be seen as a good thing that the parking lot wasn't as full, the same was true for us pro-lifers too.  We didn't have as many people praying on the sidewalk like we normally do because of the holiday weekend.

We started praying the Joyful Mysteries.  Some sidewalk counselors show up and also another parish group.  Cars pass by every now and then and usually I take a peek to see if it's a client or just people passing through on the street.  Sometimes I wave or nod.  One of the guys in my group, 'Sam,' likes to wave at like...every car--whether client or not.

After the Joyful Mysteries, we start with the Luminous Mysteries.  Halfway through that, I see 'Sam' at his end of the sidewalk give a funny, annoyed, "I can't believe I just saw this" look as a car passed by.  The woman in the car awkwardly paused in the street in front of us as if to go into Planned Parenthood's parking lot, but she seemed confused and drives past us to park in the overflow lot.  We keep praying, but 'Sam' and the sidewalk counselors head over to the woman, and unlike most clients, she chats with them for a while.  I guess 'Sam' and the counselors told her to park where parked our cars down the street because that's what the woman did.  But we kept praying as 'Sam' followed the woman.

Continuing onto the Sorrowful Mysteries, I noticed 'Sam' brought back the woman to our group.  I noticed she was holding a Rosary in her hand so I thought, "Oh, she's one of us and maybe she was confused on where to park earlier...maybe she didn't know she had to park a street over...But, I don't know why 'Sam' reacted awkwardly when she drove in...maybe he knows her? -shrug-"  So that's cool, we gained a new prayer warrior.  When we started praying the Glorious Mysteries, she even led one of the Mysteries!

So in this pro-life Rosary booklet, we normally go through a litany and other prayers after we finish the full Rosary.  In the back is an examination of pro-life conscience that we never go through as a group.  But this time, 'Sam' made us go through it because he felt the need for it.  No biggie.  Everyone rolled with it.

After the examination, 'Sam' brought us in like he normally does.  Usually in thanksgiving and to remind us the importance of why we do this.  But this time, he said that a miracle happened this morning.  And I remember thinking, "what...? but nothing happened!"  Because, from my perspective, nothing out of the ordinary happened.  

But it all had to do with that woman that joined us for the Rosary, who, if you remember, was someone I thought was there to pray with the rest of us.

'Sam' let her explain her story to our whole group--our parish group, the other parish group, the elderly woman there on her own accord, and the sidewalk counselors.  And we listened to her story.  And I'm not gonna lie, I wept.  A bunch of us did.  Oh my gosh.  We witnessed a miracle--a change of heart! And most of us didn't even know until she told her story!

So this woman who pulled up and joined us is an African woman from Nigeria named Immaculate.  Yes, Immaculate.  Like, after Mary.  She has several children and is a member of a local Catholic parish in the diocese.  Last year, she gave birth to a premature baby daughter, whom they named Faustina (after the saint).  If I remember correctly, Faustina had to be born prematurely because the pregnancy was compromising Immaculate's health due to complications of her womb.  Because Faustina was a premature baby, she had complications with her own health.  I didn't catch exactly what those complications were, but she survived for a little over six months before passing away.  Understandably, losing a baby so young would cause great suffering for the parents.  Immaculate told us that they had a priest baptize Faustina before she passed away.  :-(  That was towards the beginning of this year when Faustina passed away.

After losing Faustina, Immaculate wanted to find out what was wrong with her.  She sought the help of her gynecologist and after tests and whatnot, the gynecologist concluded that Immaculate needed to get her tubes tied to prevent further pregnancies.  And she didn't agree with her doctor and didn't go through with tying her tubes.  Well, recently...Immaculate found out she was pregnant again.  And because Faustina had to be born prematurely due to Immaculate's own health concerns, Immaculate feared that this pregnancy would lead to another demise.  There's genuine fear here...on both Immaculate's part and her husband's.  They couldn't bear to lose another child again.  I think...because of that fear...Immaculate's husband told her to get an abortion.  Abort the child now, before having to go through what they had already gone through with Faustina.

Earlier this week on Tuesday, Immaculate went to Planned Parenthood to seek options.  And, basically...they told her to come in today, Saturday, to either take the pill or go through a surgical procedure to abort the baby.  She had an appointment at 8:00AM this morning to go through with an abortion.

As she was telling us all the details mentioned above in tears, she'd say how scared she was.  She was praying a Rosary and crying on her drive over to Planned Parenthood this morning.  She'd been praying hard about this...but she felt like she had no other option but to go through with the abortion and obey her husband.

But then she saw us praying the Rosary when she pulled up.  'Sam' gave that funny look because the back of her car had a 910AM Radio bumper sticker (it's our local Catholic radio station).  Anybody reppin' the Catholic Church shouldn't be pulling into the parking lot of a Planned Parenthood.

Apparently, by our presence praying in front of Planned Parenthood was enough to convince her not to go through with the abortion.  She was actually running late for her appointment because she was so horribly conflicted leaving her house this morning.  She pulled in at like 8:30AM.  Praise God 'Sam' and the sidewalk counselors were quick to respond to her awkward arrival.

After she told her story, one of the sidewalk counselors offered her literature and resources so that Immaculate could get the help she needs.  Also, apparently Immaculate's own parish has some pretty awesome people involved who can help her find good doctors, financial assistance, and other helpful resources to ensure her health and the health of her baby.  In addition, a few of us gave Immaculate a few blessed items to help her out too.  I personally gave her one of my many extra Miraculous Medals from past Youth 2000 retreats.

But...oh my gosh.  How ...amazing.  This woman had suffered much with her last child and had been led down the path to go through with an abortion.  The people she sought help from kind of led her down this path that would inevitably lead to more suffering.  She was scared and conflicted.  She didn't want to do it...but she found herself at Planned Parenthood--where we were on the sidewalk praying--to go through with the abortion.

And she chose not to go through with it.  She received help, materially and spiritually.  She can go get second opinions on her health situation.  She was so grateful that we were there.  We were so grateful we were there.  Our purpose in being there this morning was affirmed!

Miracle moments do happen.  Life is beautiful.  

-------------------------

Our parish group went to breakfast afterwards, and we were talking about what had happened at Planned Parenthood.  While in line to order food, I was talking to our youth minister about how disappointed we were at the start of today because our group lacked nearly all of our usual youth who prays with us at abortion clinics.  Actually, participation had been declining recently and we were sad about that too.  Also remember what I said at the start of this post...that in my time as a regular prayerful faithful at abortion clinics, I haven't witnessed anything visibly and immediately fruitful of our efforts.  Both my youth minister and I agreed on that too.  But he brought up a good point:  God doesn't need a big group of people to make a difference.  He can change hearts with a few people.  And that we shouldn't be discouraged if our friends are not there to join us on the front lines.  God still works even if we're not as strong.  How awesome.  Though it is a shame that the others who usually join us missed out on witnessing what happened this morning.  But that's okay.

Now, for those who are on either side of the Catholic fence...it does seem odd that a Catholic couple would go through the idea of going through an abortion when our faith is very vocal and clear on the issue of abortion.  For some, it does seem justifiable that Immaculate could have gone through with the abortion because her current pregnancy may jeopardize her health and/or the baby's health.  And not every Catholic knows the faith well enough to make clear decisions regarding these matters.

But realize...she's scared and very much afraid.  She doesn't know her health situation...and she's still suffering from the loss of her last child...She only had the opinion of her gynecologist who told her to go get sterilized and her husband wanted her to go get an abortion because he's scared and doesn't know what to do either.  And she was so conflicted about the whole process of this abortion and nearly went through with it.  Deep down she wants to have the baby.  She knows it's alive.  But she felt like she had no other option but she kept trusting in God.   I think Satan was truly at work here...that in Immaculate and her husband's suffering from losing Faustina, left them vulnerable to his lies.  Abortion, then, would seem like the only option to conserve Immaculate's health and prevent having to go through the possibility of another premature birth dangerous to the baby's life.

This is what I love about being a pro-life Catholic.  The Catholic network is rather extensive and we can easily provide the resources that any woman needs to help her go through with a pregnancy.  But only if she's open to it.  And if only women knew that there are other options. To be pro-life requires us to be pro-woman...to be pro-woman demands that we be pro-life.  Some people tend to focus on narrow aspects of women's health when really we should care for her holistically (body, mind, heart and soul) and not reduce her well-being to only her privacy and physical state.  And not only that, a pregnant woman needs support throughout her pregnancy.

I love being Catholic because we respect the dignity of all human life, from conception to natural death.  All human life is beautiful and dignified.  And we need to try our best to share that with the world.

But, I hope my retelling of this morning did justice.  It was a lot better in person...I assure you. 

At the very least...please keep Immaculate, her husband, and their baby in your thoughts and prayers.  While the choice to not abort this morning is a milestone indeed, Immaculate still has a long road ahead of her.  She still needs to tell her husband that she didn't go through with the abortion and that, I would imagine, would present some difficulty in him finding that out.  Be assured though, for she has been given the support she needs to keep herself and her baby healthy and the financial resources to make it happen as well.  Since 'Sam' gave her his contact info, I hope we'll be able to check in with her and see how things are going down the road.

And...as for me...despite the discouraging lack-of-any-good-things-happening-while-praying-in-front-of-abortion-clinics and the lack-of-any-fellow-Catholics-praying....this totally happened this morning.  And for that, I'm grateful and blessed for witnessing that.  Not gonna lie...I did weep some while writing this blog post as I recalled her telling of her story.

St. Faustina, pray for us.  Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.

- JD

PS  And I'm okay if you share this blog post with others, if you feel compelled to do so.

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The issues of sterilization and contraception can be thought of while reading this blog post.  I think a helpful book to read about that is Sex Au Naturel by Patrick Coffin, which I blogged about here.

There are no gray areas regarding abortion.  It's not justifiable for any reason, via any method.  I think a good resource for more clarity on that is www.catholic.com which would also point to other various resources.

Of Mothers, Sickness, and Conversion

In our Catholic walk through life, I'm sure we all experience those moments of conversion that make you go "wow, Catholicism is awesome...Catholicism works!..."  I have had a few major conversion moments throughout my life thus far, and this is one of them.

Note:  To keep things private, I have changed some names.

Background
When I was an assistant black belt instructor at my Tae Kwon Do dojo in early high school, I met a fellow Filipino family.  I taught Shawn, and my family befriended his parents (since my grandfather and parents took me to class since I didn't drive yet).  Shawn's parents are really nice, and I remember my parents and grandfather talking to them non-stop for the full hour of class...like...every time.

My parents enrolled me in high school religious education classes my freshman year of high school.  Needless to say, it was required so that I could get Confirmed.  I barely remember my class from freshman year, but I do recall my fellow classmates from my Confirmation/religious education class.  That's where I met J.T. or at least...got to know him better, since I'm not sure if I met him my freshman year.  I would say my Filipino radar is pretty good, and I could tell that he, too, is Filipino.  While the Filipino connection was an obvious start to a friendship, I didn't find out til later that J.T. is actually the older brother of Shawn.  I think it was one of those awkward parent pick-up moments after class where I found this out.  It kind of blew my mind, actually, because it IS a small world after all.

Awesome.  So now I know this family through Tae Kwon Do and Confirmation class.  And my family has befriended J.T. and Shawn's parents.  Cool stuff.

As the year progressed, I got to know J.T. better.  Turns out he, too, is a clarinet player!  We had that ... Filipino Catholic clarinet guy connection, whatever that means.  Since it was our sophomore year, we both went through the motions of retreats and classes for Confirmation and the actual sacrament itself.

We get Confirmed...we finish sophomore year... It's summer time...

J.T. and his family took a trip to Rome during that summer after Confirmation.  Because my family and his family had developed enough closeness...and because J.T.'s mom is super awesomely Catholic... she got me   (and some others in the youth group) some sort of certificate blessed by Blessed Pope John Paul II for Confirmation...which...I just now remembered as I'm typing this...which now I'm inclined to go look for that because I'm highly intrigued...but...I digress--I'll look for it later...

Anyway, after Confirmation...we both got involved with the our youth group.  I guess the Holy Spirit truly has that power to set ablaze within souls, because we were definitely "en fuego" to be an awesome example of what it means to be a Confirmed Catholic.

Our involvement continued through the summer and into the fall.  We were both juniors in high school still going to religious ed class, youth group on Wednesdays, and helping out with whatever events on the weekends.

But then... winter came.  And that's when it happened.

The Sickness
Now, let me just say...the passage of time through the events described is cloudy to me since it's been 9 years.  But that's not too important.  What matters is what...happened.

It was a few days after Christmas 2003.

I forget through what channels that I heard the news, but I think it was some combination of emails and phone calls.

J.T. had to go to the emergency room.  He had been complaining of a headache that progressively got worse throughout the day, and at night it got so bad that he couldn't sleep--he could do nothing but moan and be in pain.  And I think his whole body started hurting too  So his parents took him to the ER.

It only went downhill from there.

It all happened so fast.  Within a day or two, J.T. went from perfectly fine to perfectly not fine.

Apparently he had come down with bacterial meningitis--the bad form of it.  If my memory serves me right, he slipped into a coma.  And while he was in a coma, he either suffered through a stroke or seizures or both...I can't remember exactly.  Either way, because of his bacterial meningitis, it complicated and compromised his health to the point where the doctors said he didn't have much longer to live.

I mean, this all happened in less than a week.  Going from totally fine to death knocking at the door.  Hard to be merry during the Advent season...

I remember going on a retreat right around that time (like, the weekend after this all went down) and we concluded it with a visit to the hospital.  That's where I found out more details about J.T.'s condition and that he wasn't really expected to live.  Whoa.  I might have to lose a friend in death.  I wasn't prepared for this!  I can't...lose a friend after just getting to know him...ya know?

Catholic Strength
But I couldn't even fathom how his parents must feel.  Still can't.  Because...no parent desires to outlive their child.  And here are J.T.'s parents having to deal with that very possibility.  J.T.'s dad is a pediatrician--a kid doctor!  And there was absolutely nothing he could do to help his son.  Isn't that crazy? To be trained how to help kids back to full health but not being able to help out his own son?

 And oh man...there was also Shawn and their sister too.  They had to deal with the possibility of losing their older brother.

And you know how it's usually the mom who freaks out and gets emotional in these types of situations?  J.T.'s mom, who I'll call Susan, wasn't like that.  I remember us talking to her about about J.T. during our hospital visit.  She admitted she's been crying...but the other stuff she said still blows me away.

...In addition to admitting to all her tears, she mentioned that she has complete trust in God and His will.  That if He wanted to bring J.T. back home, she would be okay with that.  My youth minister and his wife later pointed out that her strength in her faith and in God resembled that of the Virgin Mary at the foot of the Cross.

A picture is worth a thousand words.  Susan was a lot like this:

As a young-in-the-faith Catholic at the time, I never really saw what complete trust in God and His will looked like until that hospital visit.  Both J.T.'s parents, as powerless as they were in this situation, could only trust.  And I saw what a modern day Mary at the foot of the Cross looked like through Susan's example.

I haven't mentioned it yet, but there were a lot of prayers offered up for J.T. from the youth group.  I mean, come on...we're Catholic.  Many Rosaries and Divine Mercy Chaplets and other prayers.  After our hospital visit after the retreat...I think we got together nearly every night or at least once a week to pray for J.T.

As I mentioned earlier, my family is friends with J.T.'s family.  I remember taking my mom with me to visit J.T. in the hospital a week or two later.  By this time, J.T. survived the worst part of his ordeal but had suffered through his stroke/seizures.  Because of these complications, he lost motor skills on his right side, speech and memory.  Maybe other things too, but I can't remember exactly.

But he wasn't in the clear.  At that hospital visit, we found out that even if J.T. gets through all of this, he wouldn't be 100%.

I don't recall much of how his health slowly improved in the following months after being hospitalized.  I remember the youth group getting together to continue our prayers for J.T.  And I don't think I had the opportunity to go visit him in the hospital again after school started up again.

I did dig through some old emails from back then and found an update on J.T. dated March 14, 2004.  That's nearly four months after he first went to the ER.  Some highlights:

• Still in the hospital
• Working with a physical therapist at least 5 days a week
• Some limitation in his right arm movement, but can move both arms at the same time
• Might still be another 8 weeks before he's able to go home
• Short term memory issues still, but no loss of mental capacity
• When asked he wanted to tell the youth group anything, he said "Tell everyone I'm doing great and that I'm praying for them."

I don't remember when he finally came home.  I think it was sometime during the summer.  And then...I don't remember seeing him much since that year.  His life was no longer normal since he had to go through a lot of rehab and his progress was gradual...so his public appearances were minimal.

J.T. didn't get to finish out his junior year because of getting sick.  I went on to graduate from high school and go to college.  Throughout college, whenever I was back at home, I'd occasionally run into J.T. before or after Mass.  Early on, I remember observing that his walk was very slow and his speech was labored and slow as well.  And year after year running into him, I saw gradual improvement.

After I graduated from college, I actually saw him a little more frequently.  Consequence of living back at home, I suppose.  I worked at a local rec center where apparently his family had a membership.  And J.T. and his dad would stop by to exercise for rehab purposes.  And then of course, I'd randomly run into him at our parish as well.

How This Affected Me

To be honest, after J.T. and his family went through all that...I can't help but tear up every time I think about it.  I nearly cry because he lived through that.  I nearly cry because oh my gosh...the strength of Susan's faith is saintly to me--and the fact that his parents were totally willing to let him go should God will it.  I nearly cry because every time I encounter J.T. because his good self pierces through his own personal darkness.  Even if his body won't let him be visibly joyful, you can still just...tell that he is grateful to be alive and joyful to talk with you.

With J.T., I totally believe in the power of prayer.  We really did pray a lot together as a youth group for J.T. and his family.  I'm practically convinced that the youth group is miraculous in that sense--not because I'm saying so...but Susan herself tells me that nearly every time I run into her.  She is so humbled and grateful for the youth group's prayer and support.

With today being Mother's Day, I can't help but think of my own mom and the other examples of pure motherhood in my life.  And with Susan, seeing her son suffer like that, caused her to suffer but even in her suffering...she knew that she wasn't in control.  And for her to let go and let God the way she did helped me see a vague reflection of our Blessed Mother.  Awesome.

J.T.'s story provided a very real example of being Catholic.  His story, to me, demonstrates that Catholicism truly works, and miracles really do happen.  He wasn't supposed to live.  But he did.  By the grace and mercy of God, he lived through it.  And we're all so grateful that J.T. is alive today.

I'll also bring up this example.  Above, I mentioned how I worked at a local rec center where he and his family frequent.  There was this one time where my supervisor and I were manning the front desk and they checked-in with us.  I caught up with them for a little bit, then they went on to the gym floor.  My supervisor walks over to me and tells me how amazing of a family they are, and she briefly outlined what happened to J.T. with me.  She didn't know I already knew.  So I explained to her (in near tears, lol) that yeah...I've known the family for a long while and that I had witnessed the whole ordeal back then.  She even mentioned that she gets all teary eyed about J.T.'s story and his family.  Annnnd, my supervisor doesn't even go to our church!  And she knew all this just from encountering them at the rec center.  Whoa.

Where Are They Now?
As I mentioned earlier, I still run into their family randomly at our church and other places.

Because Youth 2000 was a favorite retreat of J.T.'s back in high school, both him and his parents still volunteer each year now that J.T. is strong enough.  I got to see and visit with them at the Youth 2000 retreat last month.  They really dig how the youth is so active and participatory in things.

I recently got to speak with J.T. after Mass not too long ago.  To this day, he's still doing rehab a few times a week.  He still does physical therapy and psycho-therapy.  But, what's really nice is that his speech is mostly back and he's able to move around decently.  His short-term memory has improved as well.

From other recent conversations with him, I know he's currently at TCC getting some basics out of the way. I know few years ago, he had talked about discerning the priesthood.  But recently, he seems excited at pursuing becoming a doctor, specializing in some of things he's going through right now.  How awesome is that?

Ever since I graduated from college and got involved with my parish again, a part of me has always wanted to get J.T. involved.  I don't think he does much with our parish now other than Mass.  Praise God our current youth minister is trying to get a Young Adult group going, and I see this as a great opportunity to get J.T. involved at our parish once more.  Even Susan agrees that J.T. should get involved again, but it's been hard with all the rehab and schoolwork.

Since I always run into them in passing, I never got the chance to get some contact info and J.T. hardly checks his Facebook >_>.  But!  Just last weekend, while in line for concessions at the movie theater, I heard someone call out my name.  Lo and behold, it was Susan! In the same line! Two people behind me!  So then we had an awkward catch-up moment with people between us and that was awesome.  I obtained her number and email address so that I can communicate with her all the happenings.

It would just be really cool to have him back and active at our parish again, especially for us old-school people.  I feel like he would have sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much to offer.

It's my >>MISSION<< to bring J.T. back.  Challenge accepted.

Thanks for taking the time to read this wall of text.  This is truly one of my real-est examples of Catholicism and a moment of conversion for sure.  I hope my current parish friends (teens, parents, young adults, and others alike) get to meet them sometime.  They're an awesome family and they're all really nice and so thankful for God in their lives.

Please continue to pray for J.T. and and his family...because they still pray for us in youth ministry!

Happy Mother's Day!
- JD

**Update: May 12, 2013**
I don't get to see J.T. that often since he still does some rehab and also works.  But, I did run into him and his mom at our parish fish fry during Lent.  I think the biggest development recently is the return or maturation of his mental capacity to be where it needs to be because apparently he's always struggled with that since falling sick.

And of course, I saw them again at the Youth 2000 retreat helping out.  :-)