Total Consecration 2014: Day 9

Reading - 1 John 1: 5-10

from Pope St. John Paul II - Reconciliation and Penance, par. 13

Reflection:
One time during college, I went to grab dinner with a classmate at our dining hall. I think we started talking about times when to get together to do homework and studying that week, and I mentioned that I would be going to Confession on a certain day and that I would be available afterwards.

I knew my buddy is Catholic so I figured he would at least appreciate the fact that I'd be going to Confession. I encouraged him to go with me so we could go do our study session afterwards.

And I'll never forget what he said.

"Psh, I don't need to go to Confession. I'm perfect."  Ok, maybe not exact quote but close.

I mean, knowing the guy, I was thinking inside of my head that just even from my own observations of his actions and words through interacting with him that perhaps a little soul scrub in Confession would do him some good.

But I felt sad for him because he was too prideful to admit that he's not perfect. I felt sad for him because he maybe didn't recognize areas in his life where he could improve for God's sake (and not just his own sake).

For today's Total Consecration preparation, I read that in 1 John 1

If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not live according to the truth; but if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.

If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us... If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.

To be a sinner and to not admit to sinning would be living a lie. It's not the truth. There's no sorrow in living a lie. Continuing in that lie continually brings me further away from God. I know He reaches out, but do I humbly reach out to return back to Him?

And that's why it's important to have penance. To repent. Pope St. John Paul II says that this is "the essential first step in returning to God." In doing penance, we need to do so in the "fullest sense of the term: repenting, showing this repentance, adopting a real attitude of repentance."

Confession isn't efficacious unless I approach it with a truly repentant heart. And there have definitely have been times where I've gone to Confession and not really felt completely sorry for the times I've fallen short.

Through Marian consecration, it'll help me form a more perfected desire for holiness and a truly sorrowful heart for the times I've rebelled against God.

Response:
I think my resolution is to humbly ask God for the grace to feel a real sense of sorry whenever I screw up. As my ego and pride seem to be off the charts lately, it's easy for me to screw up and think too highly of myself to feel that true sorrow.

Totus tuus,
- JD


I'm using Fr. Brian McMaster's Totus Tuus to prepare for Total Consecration. Get yours here on Amazon!

Confession with Pope Francis // GalleryHip.com

I feel like a bad citizen...

...because I had no idea who was the elderly man just in front of me.

It's been long while since I've gone to my own church for this very specific purpose. I decided to get in my usual line and was walking down the aisle of pews and caught glimpse of the end of the line.

So I got at the end of the line in that pew, not really paying too much attention to everyone else around simply because Jesus was out of His box, exposed in the monstrance.

There were like...6 people ahead of me. And one by one, they entered into the confessional until it got to be my turn.

I confess my sins, receive absolution, and leave the confessional. I make my way around the perimeter on the outside pews, and caught glimpse of the elderly man who went to confession right before me.

And I noticed, unmistakably, the polo shirt with the logo that I know only city council members wear.

As I passed by him, it dawned on me that he wasn't any ordinary council member but rather... the mayor.

I keep forgetting that he goes to my church! But after my awkward realization, I thought it was cool that I got to spend time in prayer with the mayor of my city in the pew before we went in for our confessions.

Admittedly, I feel like a bad citizen simply because I didn't acknowledge him (I used to work for the city, but I've never officially met him), but you know what, in that setting, I think it was definitely more appropriate to keep the focus on Christ rather than detract and distract by formally saying hello and awkwardly introducing myself.

But despite that, I thought it beautiful and awesome that I encountered someone in public office who professes the faith and is humble enough to admit that he's not perfect before God Himself, seeking forgiveness and absolution because the joy and peace of Christ are the remedy to the restlessness we experience as a result of sin. He's not perfect. Neither am I.

When I passed by him after confession, he had that sometimes stereotypical glow that Catholics have after having gone to confession, and it was cool to see him walk out of the church holding hands with his wife with a big smile on his face (she went to confession too!).

Let's pray for our public servants, especially those in public office--no matter what level of government! That they seek what is truly good for everyone and that they answer their call to serve the public!

- JD

Monastery & Mass

Day 2 - Thursday January 24, 2013

Click here for Day 1.

1:16AM (Fri)

Somewhere In Virginia at Host Family Home

I didn’t really expect to wake up last night at 4AM in the morning to the feeling of sheer cold.  I was sleeping in a room in the basement of our host family's home.  Apparently the heater got turned off at some point and t-shirt and shorts were a terrible idea, even with my supposedly "cold weather" sleeping bag.  I toughed it out though, and even went ahead and put on my Under Armour thermals because…well…I have them.  Builds character and preparation.

6:30AM rolls around, and being up and about was refreshing because it got my body moving to warm up a little.  The cool thing about waking up this morning despite overcoming the lack of heat was to see the aftermath of the previous nights’ snow fall.  I looked out the window, and it was beautiful to see a healthy blanket of snow cover the ground.

Our host family's backyard!

After a quick breakfast, my group at that particular host family's home headed out to the Metro station.  I spent nearly an hour and a half outside of the Metro station because we waited for the rest of our group to arrive from their respective host families’ houses. I definitely appreciated the functioning use of the main zipper on my jacket.  And gloves.  And scarf.  And UA thermals. And beanie. And second jacket. And hoodie.  It was cold.

Awkward Confession

Sometimes I go to other parishes for confession because my own parish's confession time isn't always convenient.

So, I go to my Backup Confession Parish #1 this afternoon and I pull into the parking lot.  I look around and see that the parking lot is full.   I think to myself, "Wait a minute...why is the parking lot full? Their Mass doesn't start for another hour!"

I decided to park and go in anyway just on the off-chance that maybe everyone is inside the parish hall.  Or something.

Boy was I wrong.

I walk into the narthex and see a spread worthy of a reception of some sort.  Then I look into the sanctuary and Mass is definitely going on.  Like, Communion lines everywhere.  And red seems to be a popular color.

Confirmation...maybe?!  Then I saw Bishop Vann. Then I was like...ohhhhhhh, that makes sense.  This is their Confirmation Mass.

I stood around for a few minutes thinking about a backup plan.  I awkwardly peer into the sanctuary to see if anyone was in line for confession anyway, but I was unsure because there was some standing-room only by where they normally have the confession line.

I was about to whip out my iPhone and use the Mass Times app to find out where else I could go for Confession this late in the afternoon but...a gentlemen walks up behind me and asks me what was going on in the sanctuary.  Not just any gentlemen--a priest!!!  "Ask and you shall receive," right?!

Apparently the visiting priest didn't know about the Confirmation Mass either.  That's cool.  We both go over to the confessional where there were actually people waiting.

And the story awkwardly pauses while I'm in line for confession yet observing the Confirmation Mass and Bishop Vann and the pastor wrap up Mass with closing remarks and prayer.  (Side Note:  Bishop had to jet outa there as soon as he could because he had another Confirmation Mass to celebrate across town.  His life is Catholic)

Anyway, it was my turn, and I go inside the confessional and all is normal.  But  kind of louder than normal because you can hear everyone is abuzz in the sanctuary due to the conclusion of the Confirmation Mass.

Father was in the middle of giving me penance and absolution when all of a sudden the pastor walks in!!!

Awk.  Really awk.

He apparently wasn't sure if the visiting priest had arrived yet, but my fellow confession line buddies apparently didn't give the pastor the memo?  Anyway, we had an awkward exchange of me telling him that yes, there is in fact a priest on the other side of the partition.  Haha, and the pastor even went to the other side of the wall to make sure.  He leaves.  My confessor and I laughed, and I said..."So ...(I repeat my penance) and...?"

Anyway, umm...after I finished with my confession, I walk out and the pastor apologized.  We laughed.  No biggie.  No sacrament abuses here.  No broken seals.  Still legit confession!

I just laugh and smile because my confession was interrupted by a priest...haha.  #Catholicproblems

All clean!
- JD