"I want grandchildren."

It was a very long week at work in Japan. Stress, lots of work to do, deadlines. You know, just another week.

So when it came time to finally leave on Friday, I was ready to take a nap in my 30-minute taxi ride from work back to my hotel.

Alas, it was not to be so.

In all my trips to Japan so far, I've had a good handful of taxi drivers. Some repeated. Some terribly slow. Some terribly fast. Some using their phones to translate their Japanese to English just to tell me the traffic is "slow as molasses". One really attractive Japanese woman who drove like a maniac, cutting everyone off, and probably bringing dishonor to everyone's families. But this particular Friday commute home, my taxi driver actually spoke decent English!

Because he was able to speak English, he initiated small conversations. You know, apart from me telling him, "go to this hotel using the expressway and exit here."  He asked me how long I was staying in Japan and what I do. Stuff like that. Then silence for a while.

He then asked me for permission to ask me how old I am. I laughed and told him my age. He then proceeded to tell me that his son is also the same age as I am. And that his son got married only two months ago.

We were stopped in traffic so then he kind of turns around to say that he wants grandchildren. I could see the smile on his face. From the joy I saw in his face, I could tell that it was such a sincere, genuine desire amplified by Japanese pride in family and progeny. A certain pride and desire that seems to be diminishing back home in the United States.

I affirmed him saying that yeah, I hope he gets to have grandchildren soon!  More small talk, and we arrived at my hotel.

As I'm writing this blog post, this moment with the English-speaking taxi driver happened just yesterday. I've reflected on it some since then.

This desire to have grandkids, through the example of my taxi driver, speaks of a love that is fruitful. A love so profound that when husband and wife come together, it can result in Another. And the cycle goes on. And on. And on. And on. And I got a practical taste of that which is so good, so true, and so beautiful in the simple desire of my taxi driver.

This resonates with me. A lot, actually. I think of all the times that I hang out and pray with the elderly in nursing homes as well as my own grandparents at home, now that they're back from the Philippines.  They're always so proud to have grandkids.

So as for me...yeah. God-willing, I want grandchildren too some day.

- JD

Toyota Crown Japanese Taxi // Integrity Exports
Japanese grandfather // Grandparents.com

Not a review on "The Drop Box"

Sometimes I get the opportunity to watch special movie screenings. That's how I was able to see When The Game Stands Tall starring Jim Caviezel. Apparently a group of people from my parish is part of some program where they get to hear about different special movie screenings, typically films that are faith-based.  And that's how I got invited to watch The Drop Box.

They heard about the special 3-day screening for this movie and shared it with all. No amount of north Texas ice and snow stopped us from getting a pretty decent crowd to go see this movie. Fortunately, the night of our last major snow fall, all the snow earlier in the day had already melted. Just in time for the final day of this special screening!

I hadn't really heard about it until I got invited to this screening. I didn't even watch the trailer until the day I saw the movie. But when I saw the trailer, I knew that it would be a powerful film. It's actually less of a movie and more a documentary.

The Drop Box tells the story of a South Korean Christian pastor named Pastor Lee who created a baby drop box at his church so that mothers can anonymously drop off their baby.  From there, he makes sure the baby is taken care of and if possible, he adopts the baby as his own.

Abandoned babies are a growing problem in Korea, but oftentimes they don't survive after being abandoned out in the elements. The documentary highlights this unfortunate backdrop. Mothers abandon their baby because they feel that they cannot take care of the child, or they would bring great shame upon themselves because of their difficult circumstances such as pregnant but not married, unwanted children, the baby has a disability, friends at school ridiculing, family disowning, etc. Really sad stories.

But The Drop Box isn't necessarily about Pastor Lee. Yes, it tells his story and his motivations for doing the work, but it also highlights the stories of the children that get dropped off in the baby drop box. Many of these children have pretty serious disabilities like Down Syndrome, physical deformations, mental illness, etc.

This movie was a challenge to watch. Not because it showed graphic scenes or gross medical things, but because it really showed the love that Pastor Lee has for these children when everyone else gave up on them. And that's beautiful. I mean, the middle-aged man sitting on my right was sobbing the whole time, and the woman next to me admitted after the movie that she tried not to "ugly cry" the whole time. As for me, yeah, I totally wept too.

After watching this movie, after seeing the work that Pastor Lee does, after learning the stories of many of the kids with special needs that he and his wife adopted, I left the movie questioning where I am in my Christian faith.

But in a good way.

Here are some themes that stuck out to me:

Capacity and Depth of Love
Seeing Pastor Lee totally give of himself as a father for these abandoned children really shows his vast capacity to love. His own son is severely disabled and requires a lot of attention, but somehow Pastor Lee is able to give each child the tender love and care they need. Late nights, lots of children crying, and all the usual beautiful burdens of raising children. He and his family currently takes care of 15 children that came to him via the drop box. 15. Children.  And always open to more. Crazy.

My primary sentiment after watching the movie was being in awe of Pastor Lee's capacity and depth of love. I mean, clearly no normal human being is able to do the work he does without such a heart as he has, but truly the only reason he does is because of his Christian faith and love of God.

Not only was I in awe of his capacity to love, but it really made me think about my own capacity and depth of love. Do I love others enough as they deserve? Do I love even those that were rejected by the world? Can I give more? Can I love more?

Recognizing the dignity of others
With all the crazy things happening in this world, I'd say that a major cause of our problems in humanity stems from our inability to recognize the inherent dignity of others. And that's what makes watching The Drop Box so cool! It's because Pastor Lee shows us by his example what it looks like to recognize the dignity of each baby, no matter their circumstances or shortcomings. I mean, the man truly loves each child as his own, and through the eyes of fatherhood is Pastor Lee able to recognize the dignity of these little ones.

One of the things I love about being Catholic is that it really teaches me to recognize the dignity of others, even if they don't recognize it themselves or in others. Seeing Pastor Lee work with these children and raising them as his own made me reflect on how I view others. These children were abandoned because they were too much of a burden, but they deserve dignity and love like any other children.

Do I view others as a burden to myself, or do I recognize their dignity?

Humility
The film highlighted some of the necessary work that Pastor Lee has to do.  I have a lot of friends who have recently had their own kids, and it's fascinating to me the work and sacrifice it takes to raise kids. Honestly, sometimes I have IM conversations at work about baby diarrhea.

It requires a certain kind of humility and love to endure these sufferings. What surprised me is that Pastor Lee is elderly yet despite all the difficulties, the late nights, and the challenges of raising children with special needs, he serves and loves those children without complaint. It takes great humility to do the work he does.

Do I consider the needs of others before my own needs? Do I do what needs to be done even if I don't feel like it?

Life Lessons
The Pastor Lee quote pictured above really sticks out to me. He was talking about how he loves kids with special needs because they teach him how to love. They teach him many things. He learns more from them than they learn from Pastor Lee.

That made me go whoa. Whereas most people see kids with special needs or even kids in general as burdens, it's cool to hear how Pastor Lee admits that these children teaches him many life lessons, perhaps even more than he teaches them life lessons.

What can I learn more about the beauty, truth, and goodness of life in those that I encounter?

Pro-Life
While the movie is not overtly pro-life in terms of the movement, it still has a very pro-life message. The pro-life message resonates through the very example of Pastor Lee in his depth of love for these adopted children, recognizing their dignity, and serving them with humility. Perhaps that's why abortion is a thing in our country because we don't recognize that we have the capacity to love greatly, we don't recognize the inherent dignity of our fellow people, and we're not willing to have the humility necessary to love others authentically with self-sacrificial, life-giving love. So, it was entirely refreshing to learn about Pastor Lee and his work because it is work that goes unnoticed, and we can learn a lot from his example.

How can I engage in further pro-life work in addition to what I'm already doing?

I really wanted to have a small group discussion right there in the middle of the theater hallway after the movie because the entire movie is a beautiful nugget at which to continue to chew on. What does it mean now that I've seen it? How have I changed because of this film? How shall I respond?

Pondering this, I will. And I'm totally getting the DVD/Blu-ray.
- JD

PS After the movie, they played a pre-recorded screening event for the movie to give further background, insight, and shameless plugs for ministries that help out families. In it, they talked to the director of the movie. I just wanted to mention that he felt intrigued to do this movie because he saw a headline in the L.A. Times (this one), and he needed something for the Sundance Film Festival. He actually spent time in South Korea helping Pastor Lee and the kids, and because of that time spent with him and filming, he converted to Christianity. That's awesome! One does not simply engage in works of mercy and not feel the Holy Spirit's tug on the heart to discover the source of the beauty, goodness, and truth in serving abandoned kids with special needs. Please pray for him!

Pictures // TheDropBoxFilm.com

My Theme For 2015

I haven't had the time to sit down and think about New Years' resolutions. Or maybe I'm just thinking about it too much? I'm not sure. But either way, nothing I've thought about has been concrete.

As I was doing dishes this evening after cooking sopapilla cheesecake and Hamburger Helper, a thought entered my head: a general theme for 2015.

Which immediately led to a theme that I'm quite happy with.

Here it is:

Live uncomfortably. 2015.

If my 2015 resolutions and goals were to have a theme, it would be that. That will be my thesis statement. 

It's strange how the thought hit me so suddenly, but somehow it makes a lot of sense for me.

After all, I'm not made for comfort. I'm made for greatness.

- JD

Total Consecration 2014: Day 5

Readings - 1 John 2: 15-17 ; Romans 12: 1-2

from Pope St. John Paul II - Homily, World Youth Day Toronto, July 28, 2002, par. 2

Reflection:
Scriptures and saints like St. Thomas Aquinas, St. John of the Cross, and others have said that the three main enemies to the soul are the world, the flesh, and the devil. Focusing on the world, I know it's a very shiny and enticing thing.

What do I mean by "the world"? In my own fallible words, "the world" would be the setting and aspirations by us human beings of matters that don't ascend towards heaven--towards God. In other words, it's the things and concepts that are only in and of themselves rather than pointing towards God. There's no sense of eternity and communion with God for "the world" because it is finite.

If I'm focused too much on worldly things, then I'm not focused on Godly things. Do I love the world more than I love God?

John writes:

If any one loves the world, love for the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the pride of life, is not of the Father but is of the world.

These worldly things can be distracting towards my relationship to God. As I'm preparing for this Total Consecration, I need to be better at detaching myself from worldly things so that my soul is more conducive to the promptings of the Holy Spirit so that He may guide me to do God's will.

St. Paul writes to the Romans, which is a good reminder for me:

Do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that you may prove what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

Do I allow myself to be transformed by God? Hmm. That's what makes Christianity so great. We can be transformed if we allow it. We can be more pleasing and perfect. The best version of ourselves. For God.

St. John Paul II tells us:

Listen to the voice of Jesus in the depths of your hearts! His words tell you who you are as Christians.

I certainly know that it's hard for me to listen to the voice of Jesus in the depths of my own heart when I've distracted myself with things not of Him. If I'm too concerned with worldly things, then I cannot hear Jesus calling to me. And it is through His call that I know how to be Christian. Well yeah, because that's what He taught!

Response:
The point of doing a Total Consecration is to draw into a more loving relationship of communion with the Blessed Trinity. To love God more and to receive God's love in a more profound way. The world wants to influence my priorities to this goal of being closer to God in a deeper way so it is important that I grow in virtue. To grow in happiness and joy through a closer relationship to Him.

Today I'll fast from looking at non-work related websites at work as a tangible way to remind myself to not be of this world.

"The greatest deception, and the deepest source of unhappiness, is the illusion of finding life by excluding God, of finding freedom by excluding moral truths and personal responsibility." Pope St. John Paul II, Homily, World Youth Day 2002
- JD

I'm using Fr. Brian McMaster's Totus Tuus to prepare for Total Consecration. Get yours here on Amazon!

Total Consecration 2014: Day 4

Reading - John 14: 15-21

from Pope St. John Paul II - Dominum et Vivicantem, par. 10

Reflection:
Jesus tells us that He will send us another Counselor, another Advocate. This being the Holy Spirit. He knows that He will no longer walk among us on earth anymore, but that doesn't mean He, God, will leave us alone. He will still be with us, but in the person of the Holy Spirit, guiding us in love. But not love in the way that we understand it in the modern world, but really the eternal exchange of love that is the Trinity. How does the Trinity love? As a gift.

Pope St. John Paul II writes

It is the Holy Spirit who is the personal expression of this self-giving, of this being-love. He is Person-Love. He is Person-Gift.

Am I aware of the Holy Spirit, and am I aware of Him that the Holy Spirit is an expression of God's self-gift to me? I ponder His works and His guidance and most certainly I wouldn't be where I'm at today were it not for the Holy Spirit.

Response:
Mary gives me a great example of responding to the promptings of the Holy Spirit. After all, it is through her fiat, her "yes!", that she bore Jesus. She was so open to the Holy Spirit because of her faith.

In my prayers, and throughout the day, I'll reflect on how can I be more receptive to the Holy Spirit like Mary.

Totus tuus,
- JD

I am using Fr. Brian McMaster's Totus Tuus for preparation for Total Consecration to Jesus through Mary. Pick up your own copy on Amazon! 

Total Consecration 2014: Day 3

Reading: John 14: 6-11

from Pope St. John Paul II: General Audience, January 13, 1999, par. 4

Reflection:
I know in the Old Testament, God revealed Himself in unique ways, particularly to Adam and Eve, Abraham, Noah, and the list goes on. But after a time, when He sent His only Son, He revealed Himself in such a very real and relatable way.

God reaches out to us through His Son in a way that we can tangibly experience and encounter Him.

And as Jesus tells us in John 14:

I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father, but by me. ... He who has seen me has seen the Father.

God made us to love us. And we are made to love. It is written in our hearts to desire God who made us. Therefore, we inherently seek being united with Him again. Mysteriously, He reveals Himself through His Son who is the only way to Him, the Father.

It kind of enforces the idea that we're adopted sons and daughters of God from Day 1. And the way we can reach the Father is only through His Son. Every action of the Son is also the action of the Father. And just considering the entirety of the Gospels, it's mind-boggling the demonstration of love that God has for us as shown through His Son.

How awesome!

Response:
I'll take this day to reflect on how Jesus reveals the Father. That's going to be an extra level of deep because I'm often struggling wondering how my day-to-day life reveals Jesus.

And as I go through my day, I'll strive to remember God's love for me as His adopted son.

Totus tuus,
-JD

I am using Fr. Brian McMaster's Totus Tuus to prepare for Total Consecration. Get your copy here:

Sistine Chapel ceiling // Wikipedia

Don't Tell Dan Brown...

...that I'm going to an Opus Dei men's night of recollection tonight.

That pretty much makes me one of the Werst Kafliks Evurr. Secret societies, murderous plots, misogyny, secret theological truths unearthed about Christ, beating my own self to a bloody mess, among other things in this cult-like society as presented in The Da Vinci Code.

Yep. Don't tell Dan Brown. He might get upset and be inspired to continue Robert Langdon's story.

Lol.

I'm glad that there is such a thing as reality and that fiction is entertaining. Because! In real life, Opus Dei isn't what Dan Brown makes it out to be.

A refutation of Dan Brown's version of Opus Dei, by the real Opus Dei: http://opusdei.us/en-us/article/the-da-vinci-code-the-catholic-church-and-opus-dei-2/

So for our weekly Bro Night with my housemates, we're going to this men's night of recollection.

I've been to a few Opus Dei men's nights of recollection before. Assuming tonight will be no different, I'll expect that we'll be engaging in such debaucherous things as praying before the Most Blessed Sacrament (ie. the Eucharist (ie. Jesus Himself)), being led in meditations/contemplations/reflections by an Opus Dei priest, have the chance to go to Confession, attend a brief seminar on how to integrate Catholic faith and everyday life and work, and an examination of conscience as related to how well we are being the men we are created to be whether married or single.

And more praying!

Scandalous! I know! Sheesh.

"Opus Dei" means "God's work", which is a characterization of the founder's ideal on how we as Catholics, especially laypeople, can glorify God through our everyday work and labor. 

Again, don't tell Dan Brown because Opus Dei, in reality, is truly Catholic and not some false shadow of the truth.

Please pray for me as I contemplate how to better integrate my faith in my engineering work on a daily basis. And please know that I'm praying for you, too.

St. Josemaria Escríva, founder of Opus Dei and pretty cool priest, pray for us!

-JD

St. Josemaria Escríva // http://catholicseeking.blogspot.com/2012/06/st-josemaria-escriva.html

Total Consecration 2014: Day 1

Reading: Gal 4: 4-7

from Pope St. John Paul II: "Mary's Relationship to the Trinity", General Audience, January 5, 1996

Reflection:
St. Paul writes to the Galatians saying

God sent forth his Son, born of woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons.

This really emphasizes Mary as mother and how we're adopted children of God. Because Mary herself is Christ's mother, I can look to her as a mother since I'm an adopted son of God. It's comforting to know that, as St. Paul writes,

through God you are no longer a slave but a son, and if a son then an heir.

It is comforting because there's an inheritance waiting. Not something of great wealth in the material sense, but something even better in the spiritual sense.

Pope St. John Paul II reflects that

Mary is the way that leads to Christ: indeed, she who "at the message of the angel received the Word of God in her heart and in her body" shows us how to receive into our lives the Son come down from heaven, teaching us to make Jesus the center and the supreme "law" of our existence.

I can't think of any human person who knew Christ more intimately than His mother. And from what I know from being close to her already is that she's all about Him. She always points to Him. I can look to her example on how to receive Christ more fully just as she received Him fully in the Incarnation. When He was in her womb, Christ was literally at her center! Is Christ at the center of my life? When I receive the Eucharist, do I remember that Christ is and should be at my center, as He literally is at my center?

Response:

I should remember that reflection on how Mary kept Christ at the center of her life and pause to think about that throughout my day.

Ad Jesum per Mariam,

- JD

I am using Fr. Brian McMaster's Totus Tuus to prepare for Total Consecration

Going To Work On Saturday

I'm going to use this opportunity of going to work on a Saturday to make an analogy for love as I'm on my way to work this morning. Not the warm fuzzy type of love but something that gets to the heart of what authentic, true, genuine, real love is. I've already had a long work week. Yet, here I am again on a Saturday morning about to put in some more hours.

I really don't feel like going to work today because I'm tired, and I can be doing other things.

I'm not getting paid for the hours I'm putting in today so I don't really get anything out of work today aside from productivity.

I wasn't even techically required to go work today. I volunteered.

Perhaps authentic love isn't dependent on what I feel like. 

Perhaps authentic love isn't about what I get out of loving.

Perhaps authentic love isn't such that it is required or forced, but rather a free act  of the will.

I guess I love my job. :-)

-JD

From Graphite to Diamonds

I need to do a better job of reblogging cool blog posts or talking about other cool blog posts. I mean, I read a lot of them! And sometimes it's just nice to sip on some Mystic Monk coffee and catch up on reading. :-)

A good acquaintance from my parish apparently has been in the hospital lately because he had a lung collapse and is potentially on the verge of having both lungs collapse. He has cystic fibrosis so it's been particularly challenging for him having to deal with chronic lung issues. Please pray for him!

In his latest blog post he says, "Having spent 21 days in the hospital and only having left my room about 10 times in that span, I have had a LOT of time to think. If these thoughts seem a little 'off the wall' it’s because my main company for the past three weeks has been the four walls of my room."

He then offers a brief yet profound reflection on Christ's love for us in a way similar to how graphite becomes a diamond.

This particular blog post resonated well with me because lately I've been dealing with a lot of interior turmoil, conflict, selfishness, etc., and all of that has caused me to be rather ungrateful and to lose sight of God's love and mercy for me. While my problems don't (currently) involve physical ailments, my interior  sickness has definitely been something that has been difficult for me to handle. (Don't worry, I'm okay.)

And reading Daniel's blog post helped me refocus and remember that God can transform seemingly dull and ugly things into something brilliant and precious because God knows what I'm going through for He, Himself endured unfathomable suffering for my sake. Daniel's sake. Your sake.

Put in another way, He can redeem suffering because of His Passion, death, and Resurrection. My suffering, especially when united to His cross, has meaning.

In Daniel's words:

I could complain about basically being strapped to a wall for three weeks, and about my increased chances of having another lung collapse. Well, Christ was nailed to his Cross for three hours and he most likely died by a slow and grueling suffocation. So yeah, he knows a little bit about what I am going through.

Read the rest here.

And you can follow Daniel at Thoughts of a Fibro on Wordpress.

“We are not the sum of our weaknesses and failures. We are the sum of the Father’s love for us and our real capacity to become the image of his Son.” - Pope Saint John Paul II
- JD

Graphite and diamond // American Physical Society

The entirety of Christianity is pointless...

...were it not for that Jesus Christ, for our sake, was crucified under Pontius Pilate, suffered death and was buried, and rose again on the third day in accordance with the Scriptures.

"Come on Thomas-Called-Didymus, I'm not lying! I'm really back! I dare you to check out my wounds--so you know it's real."

I was thinking about this during the Easter Vigil Mass the Saturday night before Easter Sunday. And even when I went to morning Easter Mass the next day. Specifically, I was thinking about the resurrection part. How incredibly important and key is the Resurrection that if it didn't happen, then what legitimacy would Christianity have?

Any ol' person can teach, preach, and perform feats that astounds others to the point where the only conclusion is that such feats are miraculous. Any person can be arrested and then undergo a terrible, terrible death. But the real kicker is coming back from the dead. And not only coming back from the dead, but coming back from the dead because it was foreshadowed in the past!

It's a pretty heavy thought to let marinate in my mind--that all of Christianity is pointless unless Jesus went through what He went through in His suffering, death, and resurrection.

Some outward thoughts and examples regarding the Resurrection, but I am no historian and theologian (or at least exceedingly amateur at best):

If the Resurrection never happened, then Jesus' apostles probably would have gone back to their normal lives. My priest reflected on this at the morning Easter Sunday Mass. They would have been saddened by losing their teacher and friend. They wouldn't have been compelled to continue Jesus' teaching and ministry because He didn't return.

If the Resurrection never occurred, the memory of Jesus would have faded away. He would just been another man in history that others followed because they liked what he said, what he taught, and the things that he was able to do. No one would really care after a long, long while. Christianity wouldn't have spread. It would have died, just as Jesus died with no resurrection. We would simply be Jews awaiting the Messiah. Still.

If the Resurrection never happened, then our own deaths mean nothing. Once we are dead, we are done. There's nothing to look forward to after death. And suffering in our lives would have no redemption. Really, we wouldn't be redeemed. There's no glorious end game to our lives on earth.

St. Paul wrote to the Corinthians teaching them about Christ's resurrection from the dead. If Christ had not been raised then Jesus' disciples' preaching is in vain and thus the Christian faith would be in vain unless Christ was raised from the dead.

I dunno...I could go on. Essentially, I guess what really stood out to me in thinking about all this is that the Resurrection is so incredibly central to the Christian faith that without it almost seems as if the rest of our faith doesn't have any sort of legitimacy. "In vain", as St. Paul writes.

So why is the Resurrection important? Fortunately, my Catholic faith lets me refer back to the deposit of faith given to the apostles passed down through the ages until now.  The Catechism of the Catholic Church outlines the importance and meaning of the Resurrection because (CCC 651-655, with yes, Scripture references in the link's footnotes):

• It confirms all of Christ's works and teachings.
• It fulfills Old Testament prophecy and what Jesus said of Himself
• It links the Incarnation and the fulfillment of God's plan because of Jesus' divinity
• Christ's death liberates us from sin, and by His Resurrection a new way of life is opened for us
• Christ's Resurrection is the principle and source of our future resurrection

As a Christian, do I understand the implications and importance of the Resurrection? That His rising from the dead is so key as to why I am Christian? And as a disciple of Christ, how then should I respond to this great joy that our God is not dead, He's alive, the tomb is empty, and should I die in friendship and communion with God, then I too will be resurrected gloriously just as He is? How would I live my day-to-day life living out this joy of Easter?

Good thing we celebrate Easter day for 8 days straight followed by an entire season lasting longer than Lent. More time to reflect on this and to party it up! :-D

O death, where is thy victory? O death, where is thy sting?
- JD

The Incredulity of St. Thomas by Caravaggio from Wikipedia

Face Value

I've probably mentioned before in my blog, in person, or made references on social media about my rather lengthy commute to work. 62 miles from home to work. That's 124 miles a day. 620 miles a week. Needless to say, I spend a lot of time in my vehicular device getting to and from work.

Thankfully, the majority of my commute is spent on highways going opposite of traffic. It only takes me about 1.25 hours to get to go those 62 miles. That's about ~10 hours a week spent driving just for work. That all sounds totally undesirable by some, but my situation isn't as bad when I'm able to carpool half way. I try not to complain because I'm grateful for my job, and I have coworkers who go 70 or 80 miles, one way, to work. Then I found out about the engineer who lives in Florida and flies home every weekend...

Considering all that, that's a lot of highway time! With a lot of time on the highway comes all the frustrations of driving on the highway. A frequent circumstance I encounter while gracing I-35 with my car's tires is getting stuck behind the slow vehicle.

Usually it's a semi, and for the purpose of this blog post, I shall interchangeably use "semi" or "truck" to refer to the "slow-moving vehicle".

Many Hats and Humility (Luke 18: 9-14)

30th Sunday In Ordinary Time

Jesus addressed this parable
to those who were convinced of their own righteousness
and despised everyone else.
"Two people went up to the temple area to pray;
one was a Pharisee and the other was a tax collector.
The Pharisee took up his position and spoke this prayer to himself,
'O God, I thank you that I am not like the rest of humanity --
greedy, dishonest, adulterous -- or even like this tax collector.
I fast twice a week, and I pay tithes on my whole income.’
But the tax collector stood off at a distance
and would not even raise his eyes to heaven
but beat his breast and prayed,
'O God, be merciful to me a sinner.'
I tell you, the latter went home justified, not the former;
for whoever exalts himself will be humbled,
and the one who humbles himself will be exalted."

Click here for today's readings (NAB)

For those who know me personally these days, they know that I do a lot of volunteering. A lot. Like, I wear many, many hats. I don't blog about everything that I do because ironically, I'm too busy doing stuff to blog about doing stuff.

Now, for all the "good" that I do helping out at my church and helping out in my community, it may seem like I am attempting to do a lot of good for my own sake. But, no. I am not trying to earn my way into God's good graces.

Last Sunday, I had to teach a class on the corporal and spiritual works of mercy. I stressed to the students that the reason why Catholics engage in social justice is because we, all of humanity, deserve dignity. And the works of mercy are ways that we can give people that dignity. We are all called to help out the "least of us" as Jesus because helping the least is helping Him. When He was hungry, did I give Him food? When He was thirsty, did I give Him drink? Etc, etc.

I fast twice a week, and I pay tithes on my whole income.

With great emphasis, I stressed to the students that no matter what good we do, we cannot earn our way into heaven. No hundreds of hours of community service will guarantee a cozy spot in heaven. Yes, I feel like I've earned 10 Green Cords (a cord earned for completing 100 volunteer hours at my alma mater), but I know and realize that won't necessarily get me to where I ultimately desire even though I do (what seems like) a lot.

There needs to be a level of humility whenever I engage in the volunteer work that I do. Humility helps forge our hearts to love God and others more than our selves. It increases our capacity to love because we're no longer concerned with self, but rather more concerned with the Other. Through humility, I decrease, so that others may increase, and by having others increase, God increases in my life. 

O God, be merciful to me a sinner.

It is through humility that I can recognize my imperfection. I mentioned this the other day how I had a very real moment in silence while driving home from work because I realized I had to change a certain aspect of my life that has been holding me back from being who I am created in the image and likeness of God. I think the root cause of many sins is the (rather deadly) sin of pride. I see that, quite evidently, in today's Gospel reading with the Pharisee. But yet in the end, it is not he who is held in high regard for he boasts with a sense of pride of his good doings. I often find myself like the Pharisee. "I'm such a pro chaperone!", "I prayed ALL THE MYSTERIES of the Rosary today!", "Psh, I don't use kneelers." ...and the list goes on... But I need to be humble like the tax collector.

See, the temptation of being proud in my good doings is that now the attention and focus is all on myself. This leads to selfishness. And if I am filling myself with only myself, then I have no room for others. And authentic love requires an outpouring of self rather than an inpouring (which apparently that isn't a word...but you get what I mean). O how many times have I fallen because of my selfishness! How many times have I failed to love others because I only wanted to love me!

I thank you that I am like the rest of humanity.

And so, I have to have humility. I have to arrive at the point to recognize that life isn't about me. In everything I do--humility. I do not volunteer seemingly professionally for the sake and benefit of myself, but rather, it gives me opportunities to serve others rather than serve myself. The volunteering that I do lets me encounter the rest of my fellow brothers and sisters in humanity...in Christ... so that I can give of myself in love for them. We're all trying to navigate this world. We're not perfect. But I, at the very least, can do what I can in order give others dignity and mercy.

I think the easiest way to gain a better understanding of humility is to just stare at a crucifix and pray. Better yet, praying at Adoration with Jesus truly present in the Eucharist. If I'm lucky, both are in my view when praying, lol.  It is here, at the foot of the cross, before the Lord, that it becomes very real and apparent to me that I'm just the created and He is the Creator, that I am just the loved and He is the Lover. I am not perfect, without Him. I am nothing without Him. 

That, in the opinion of the world, others may increase and I decrease. Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

- JD

Man with Many Hats // The Foundry 

This type of blog post inspired by Daily Meditations with Fr. Alfonse.

Fire and Division (Luke 12: 49-53)

Thursday of the 29th Week in Ordinary Time.

Today's Gospel reading is from Luke 12: 49-53 ...

49 “I came to cast fire upon the earth; and would that it were already kindled! 50 I have a baptism to be baptized with; and how I am constrained until it is accomplished! 51 Do you think that I have come to give peace on earth? No, I tell you, but rather division; 52 for henceforth in one house there will be five divided, three against two and two against three;53 they will be divided, father against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against her mother, mother-in-law against her daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law.”

 At first glance, these are difficult words from Jesus. Without any context or background knowledge of Jesus' other words, and a fundamental and literal understanding, these words are challenging to grasp. Whaaaa?! Jesus is going to set the world on fire like a hellish blaze and he wishes it was already on fire?! AND He doesn't come to give peace but cause division?!

Sheesh! Difficult words indeed, and if I heard all that (or read all that) without knowing much about Jesus, then yes, I might just pull a John 6: 60 ...

60 Many of his disciples, when they heard it, said, “This is a hard saying; who can listen to it?”

to which He replies with a John 6: 61 ...

61 But Jesus, knowing in himself that his disciples murmured at it, said to them, “Do you take offense at this?

Yes, Jesus. I do. I won't run away like the disciples (John 6: 66), but this is uncomfortable.

Because I'm not really comfortable with the idea that You want to set fire on this earth and wish it was already burning.

Because I'm not really comfortable with the idea that You wish to divide my family.

But what do You mean? How am I to understand this?

I started attempting at reading Daily Readings again the other day (which by the way, conveniently, the Catholic Church has a set 3-year cycle of Scripture readings for the entirety of the Church to divulge and learn), and this particular one stood out to me so much that I figured I should blog about it.

Fire. I'm not totally well versed in verses, but whenever I think of fire in Scripture, I think of God's presence and purification or refinement. Like, Moses and the burning bush. And that one praise and worship song, Refiner's Fire.

So maybe when Jesus says He wishes to "cast down fire", He wants to make known His presence like He did with Moses. But this time seems to imply something more dramatic. I mean, how dramatic would that be for the Lord to make known His presence with the casting down of fire? An all-consuming type of fire just to really make the point that He is, indeed, present? Scary thought.

Sometimes the earth is called the "Blue Marble" and because sin entered the world, this "Blue Marble" is not as shiny anymore, if I were to think of it as an actual ceramic marble. Perhaps, because of sin, it is caked on with dirt and grime. But Jesus' fire purifies it. Removes the dirt. Analogies are never adequate but I hope you follow it anyway.

Either way, Jesus seems to mean serious business when talking about fire. His presence. His purification love. Real stuff. Serious business.

Which leads to...this part about division.

I love my family, and I don't want to be divided from them, and it doesn't initially make sense why Jesus seemingly desires that He will be the cause of division for us. But the thing about Jesus is that He desires our hearts. Our souls. Does my heart burn for Him? If He makes Himself known (like, with fire) in order to save us from our sins, I only have two responses: 1) Follow Him or B) Turn away from Him.

I think that is what will cause division--the split between those who follow Him and those who do not.

Earlier this evening I got to listen to my pastor give his vocation story (and brief catechesis on the priesthood). He's an Episcopalian priest convert to the Catholic faith. The main driving factor of his conversion was realizing that in the Episcopal tradition, they do not have the real presence of Jesus in the Eucharist. He realized, over time as his heart burned for Jesus present in the Eucharist, that he will follow Jesus in the Catholic faith because of the Eucharist since Jesus is truly present (fun fact: a red candle is lit near any Catholic tabernacle to let the faithful know that Jesus is present) which fire makes me think of God's presence) see above))).  When he made the decision to convert to the Catholic faith, this caused some division in his family of the Episcopal congregation that he was part of for 4 years. Granted, many were supportive, some even wanted to make the jump with him, but still others weren't too keen on the idea.

And then please pray for one of my friends. She's seriously thinking about joining a religious order because her love for Christ burns so much so that she is willing to drop everything and follow Him. I have a limited understanding of her situation, but I know, for whatever reason, things have gotten complicated with her family. A sort of division.

Not everyone is prepared for Jesus' presence and purifying love. This will cause division. But! What are things that I can do to help others and prepare them to come to a better understanding of Jesus so that we are not divided on the Last Day and for all eternity, but rather unified in the Mystical Body of Christ sharing in the beatific vision of God in heaven?

"If you are who God created you to be, you will set the world ablaze." - St. Catherine of Siena

En fuego.
- JD

PS Pardon my lack of coherent think-blogging...I need to gain more experience points on reflect-blogging on Mass readings

Fire // Thomas's Pics, Flickr

The Cross and Black Coffee

Dude, I keep forgetting about ClipArt! #stockimages

I read an interesting blog post about Catholicism, suffering, and coffee from one of my favorite Catholic bloggers a long while ago. Essentially, to drink coffee black is to enjoy that which is not meant to be enjoyable. By way of analogy (and remember, analogies have limits), he parallels drinking coffee black and our worldview of suffering whereas the Church has a different view on suffering.

You can read the original blog post here:
Coffee When It Is Black by Marc Barnes, Bad Catholic

In life, sometimes we find ourselves in situations where we know we'll suffer and thus bear a cross,. And let me tell ya, I've had my share of crosses to bear throughout my life thus far.

But I suppose I'm at a point in my faith where I can handle some of the crosses I bear like I am able to handle drinking black coffee. I used to be like most other people and add cream and sugar to my coffee. I'm pretty sure the workers at McDonald's know my mantra of "one cream and one sugar" as I stop by some mornings on my way to work. Ever since reading Marc's take on drinking black coffee and suffering, I've switched to drinking coffee black.

Now I'm learning to enjoy taking up my crosses. Beforehand, I think I tried sweetening my bad situations with optimism or adding creamer by distracting myself from its bitter tastes. But I never fully embraced my suffering by willingly taking up my crosses. I think I've always taken them kicking and screaming or tried to making it easier on myself through my own devices. Or really, just not keeping in mind of the One who helps carry my crosses. I'm pretty sure He's a pro.

I got to thinking about all this more given some current circumstances in my life. I don't want to give details, but I'll just say that I know myself well enough now to foresee that I will undergo despair and suffering given my current circumstances or the circumstances that I will find myself in.

I have had my crosses in the past, I have crosses now, and I will have crosses in the future.

My take away from all this is that black coffee, as I drink it nearly every morning, is a physical reminder that I should be prepared to suffer. Life doesn't always feel good. Suffering becomes an acquired taste. I cannot handle my crosses on my own so I look towards the One who showed us what it looks like to embrace suffering. One of the lines towards the end of the movie, The Passion of the Christ, is when one of the other thieves sentenced to crucifixion with Jesus asks Him, "why do you embrace your cross?" to which Jesus doesn't really reply but looks upon the thief with eyes of mercy despite His unfathomable suffering from incredible stress, being scourged, having a crown of thorns hammered into His head, and now carrying and embracing the wood that will be the instrument of execution.

It boggles the mind.

Yet! My suffering is not in vain because I know that, mysteriously, God allows suffering to bring about a greater good, and in the most definitive and exemplary event how He does this through His Passion and Death. Yet, He rises, and Death's sting has no power nor victory. We suffer on this earth in joyful hope that He will come again! O, how rich and deep!

But, in the meantime, as much as I don't want to, I need to embrace my crosses in aspiring imitation of His embrace of His cross that one Good Friday. Because it is worth it...in the end.

No cream, no sugar. Challenge accepted.
- JD

This blog post was originally written over a year ago. And maybe I don't keep good track of my draft blog posts. And thus I've edited this post since then.

Not A Review on Elysium

The other weekend, I had the opportunity to go watch Elysium after much deliberation about what movie to go see with my parents.  Apparently we chose the wrong time of summer to go watch a movie because not a lot of blockbuster hits are out right now? And my parents weren't at all interested in watching Disney's Planes, much to my dismay as an aerospace engineering nerd.

Elysium tells the story of one man's desire to go to Elysium, which is a  futuristic, space habitat orbiting the Earth.  The setting of the story is in the far future, year 2154, where the poor and less fortunate live on Earth, and the rich and privileged live on Elysium.  To further emphasize that difference in wealth and living, the citizens of Elysium have access to wondrous technology, and guard it very closely. They live a luxurious, comfortable life whereas the people on Earth live a rougher life without access to the most advanced technology. And I'll leave it at that so as not to spoil the story.

Perhaps I'm just turning into a Catholic nerd, but I find it interesting to pick up on the use of anything Catholic in Hollywood movies recently.  I've seen hints of Catholicism either be part of the story or make a cameo in some movies like Skyfall, The Avengers, Les Miserables (ok, Catholicism really oozes out of this one), For Greater Glory, The Hobbit, etc. just to name a few.

In Elysium, I definitely picked up on the religious sister seen at the beginning of the movie.  She plays a role in the main character's life and is the vehicle to present the "overall theme" of Elysium's story (though I would say not as effective as it could have been, but this is not a review).

Seeing her against the setting of this futuristic world in Elysium provides a visual example of a reality that unfolds here in real life, beyond the silver screen, by the Catholic Church. And it kind of struck me in a way that helps me better fully appreciate my faith.

In the context of Elysium, the fact that it is set in the far future and that a religious sister is present shows that the Church will still be around. Even if we, all humanity, endure through tough times, the Church will still have a presence here on earth. In the real world, deeper study into the history of Catholicism shows that we've been around for the past ~2000 years (since the time of Christ), and what's another 2000 more? Just as we've seen many changes throughout the course of human history in the best of times and worst of times, the Church has been present. Cool stuff! Perhaps as long as there are humans walking around this earth and/or floating in space, there will be the Catholic Church on earth until the end of the age.

Secondly, not only did I see a religious sister present in the movie, but it is obvious in the context of the story that she looked after orphans.  In reality, I find it easy to associate religious with works of charity and service to others.  Religious brothers and sisters take those vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience. I see many communities that also run apostolates and have certain charisms like running schools, hospitals, orphanages, crisis pregnancy centers, homeless outreach, media, and countless other ways to reach out to others. Also, the religious sister in Elysium was appropriately seen on Earth, where the poorer people and less fortunate live and not on Elysium where the privileged and elite reside. This further illustrates how, in reality, religious communities are more frequently found in poorer areas helping the poor.

I'm a fan of the Franciscans of the Renewal

Lastly, the religious sister says a line that seems to be one of the main themes of the movie. She says something to the effect of "never forget where you come from." This is important to the movie because of the main character's trying journey to Elysium. And I wish I could say more but that would spoil the story! In the real world, seeing a religious brother or sister becomes a sort of reminder for me that there is a God and that their life is a visible sign of what it means to know, love, and serve the Lord. Seeing them reminds me of where I come from--I come from God, created in His image and likeness. And as a response to His love and commands, there is a Church comprised of His Body. These are the Christians, specifically Catholics. Seeing that religious sister in the movie reminds me that I'm Catholic, and that I shouldn't forget that I belong to God and His bride, the Church.

Awesome stuff.

I find it interesting to gain better appreciation of my faith through cinema. Despite Elysium's shortcomings in plot development, it had cool visuals and action in addition to the presence of a religious sister that helped me better appreciate my faith. I only wish her dialogue involved any God-centered words, but I suppose her simple inclusion was enough for me.

Never forget.
- JD

Elysium movie poster // Wikipedia
Capuchin Franciscans of the Renewal Community // Franciscan Friars of the Renewal

Scared to Die

Yesterday, going down the nursing home's hallway, I finally came up to her room and saw that the door was open. I knocked on the door out of courtesy but no response.  I enter quietly, and I see her there fast asleep.  I made a few attempts at calling her name in order wake her, and she eventually woke up. But she started crying as soon as she woke up.

I have the privilege of visiting nursing homes about once a month. Inspired to do this after doing a week-long service camp last summer, I am part of my parish's ministry to the sick at nursing homes. We visit Catholic residents at many of the local nursing homes in order to pray with them and to minister the Holy Eucharist to them so that they receive God in Word and Flesh because they normally don't have opportunities to go to Mass due to their current health situations. I've been doing this for about a year now, and just due to the nature of interacting with elderly and sick individuals, the reality of death is very apparent to me. But, on this particular visit to one of my usual residents, the reality of death was not something I, myself, personally related to in a profound way.

In the previous times I've interacted with her, she was coherent and very talkative and good-natured.  Sometimes she has short-term memory loss.  In recent reports from my fellow ministry volunteers, it seems as though her health has declined recently. Knowing this ahead of time, I wasn't sure what to expect upon arriving.

This happens frequently where I stop by a resident's room only to find them sleeping. And I usually make a few attempts to wake them up, and in her case this time, I was able to wake her. But like I said, she started crying.

I didn't know what to do but since she's a talkative one, I kind of waited for her to explain.  She kind of apologized for being a mess because had been crying a lot. And she said, in flowing tears, that she's scared to die. I didn't know what to say.

She further explained that she had a choking episode earlier in the morning.  Through this unfortunate experience, she realized she could have died had no one helped her. And after the fact, as I was dealing with this after the fact, the reality of death must have been ... totally real to her. 

I'm not gonna lie. I'm sensitive to death. And I nearly started tearing up out of sympathy for her because that's a certain kind of suffering that I can't totally fathom, but I understand. I mean, it's understandable to be scared to die. But since I've grown deeper into my Catholic faith, death for me personally is something less to be scared of, but I know that other people aren't at peace with the idea.

She went on for a bit expressing her fears, and I tried giving her some comforting gestures like pats on her shoulder and head and that's okay to be scared. I mentioned earlier that she has some mild short-term memory loss or has a short attention span. Thank goodness though, because I was half-expecting my interactions with her to be me having to listen to her cry for a long while.  But out of nowhere she stops crying and gets distracted by the TV that was on. That led to her noticing the verse of Scripture that someone had banner'd across the top of the wall above the TV:

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. (Phil 4:13)

She explained that she's glad that [whoever] had posted that on her wall because it helps her deal with what her fears. I then felt it appropriate to let her know of a quote by St. Augustine.  I only offered it because it's something that I've been reflecting on a lot lately, and it just somehow felt fitting to give her:

...our heart is restless until it rests in You. (from his Confessions)

The way I was understanding her fear of death was that it is out of anxiety and not being at peace with the idea of death. A sort of restlessness.  In my own life right now, I'm terribly restless and have only found peace by resting in God (usually through Adoration of the Holy Eucharist). And it's been a frequent reflection of mine for a long while now.

She really liked that quote. I'm not sure that she'll remember it, and I regret not having written it down for her, but I could tell that it did strike a chord with her.

After that, I offered to read her Sunday's Gospel reading, though I read the shorter version. These were the parables that Jesus told regarding the rejoicing of finding the lost sheep as well as the woman who lost one of her coins and rejoiced after she diligently searched for it and found it. Since I read the shorter version of Sunday's Gospel reading, it didn't include the fan favorite: the parable of the prodigal son.  She really liked hearing the Gospel that I read, and she even offered her own personal reflection (briefly) from the reading.

And we kind of got back into the conversation of being scared to die. To which I then asked her if she wanted to receive the Eucharist (because she sometimes doesn't).  She was a little hesitant because she let me know that she wanted to go to Confession as well.  Haha, she actually asked me if I could hear her confession, but I told her that I can't do that since I'm not a priest, but I offered to have a priest come visit her at some point sometime soon.  She very much liked that idea.

She ultimately decided to receive Jesus in the Eucharist because she felt that it would help her deal with her restlessness and fear regarding death.  So after humbly obliging to rinsing out her dentures at her request so that she could talk better and eat better, I was able to minister the Eucharist to her.

After she received the Eucharist, she was just incredibly grateful for my visit.  And she was just really grateful for us praying together and her receiving the Eucharist. By that point, I had to leave to go visit other residents, and I assured her that I would continue praying for her and that I would call our parish office to have a priest come by and visit to hear her confession.

I left her room feeling really grateful myself for having had this opportunity.  This was my first time talking about the reality of death with a nursing home resident. They're usually A) asleep, B) wanting to talk about other things or C) incoherent.  It just seemed really providential that it all worked out this way.

I was thinking just now how this little episode visiting her kind of ties in with this past Sunday's Gospel. Would a lonesome sheep not be scared that he is separated from the rest? The woman who lost her coin was probably scared because she lost something valuable.  The prodigal son was probably freaking out once he lost everything and was fearful in coming back home.  Yet, as Jesus shows us, there's much rejoicing to be had whenever the lost has been found.  And when we know this and take it to heart, we have nothing to fear, not even death itself.

I did call my parish earlier today, and a priest will be visiting her soon! :-)

Her name is Judy. Please pray for her! ...that she finds rest and peace in God and that whenever her hour has come, she's ready to come home.

Pax.
- JD

The Return of the Prodigal Son (1773) // Pompeo Batoni, Wikipedia

Total Consecration: Day 33

Reading: Philippians 2: 5-11

from St. Louis du Montfort: The Secret of the Rosary, #65

Reflection and Response:
Whenever I was a freshman in college, I attended an Awakening retreat through St. Mary's in College Station.  Commonly called "Aggie Awakening".  And there was some group discussion that involved drawing on the table (we're college kids, ya know) on what does it look like to be Christ. Or something like that. ...it was a long time ago...

The image that came up in my head was a mirror.  Me looking into the mirror. And in the reflection in the mirror, I do not see myself, but rather Christ.  Not saying that I am Christ, but that I should be a reflection of Christ for the Son is the perfect living image of the Father.  And so, whenever I need reminding of how my life should be, I should remember the mirror. In order for me to be a reflection of Christ, I must be a practicing disciple of Him...that I shouldn't see myself in the mirror but Christ!

And so, in order to help seeing myself as a reflection of Christ, I surrender myself to the hands of Mary who can help mold me to be a better reflection of her Son.

It has a been a great spiritual journey preparing to make the Act of Total Consecration.  It has allowed me to reflect on myself, on Mary, and on Jesus in a deeper way that I couldn't have done so in my typical spiritual life.  33 days of prep and now it is time!

Before I make the Act of Total Consecration to the Blessed Mother, I will say a full Rosary and make the Act on the feast of Our Lady of Mt. Carmel.

Ad Jesum per Mariam,
- JD

Total Consecration: Day 32

Reading: 1 Corinthians 11: 23-26

from St. Louis du Montfort: The Love of Eternal Wisdom, #71

Reflection & Response:
The principal reason why I am Catholic is because of the Eucharist.  For this is Jesus Christ truly present: body, blood, soul, and divinity!  And such a gift and blessing that we unworthily receive in the holy sacrifice of the Mass that Jesus should come to us in the humble form of bread! It is unfathomable and utterly mysterious that my Lord and my God presents Himself in this way so that I may be in communion with Him.

The famous saying goes that

The way to a man's heart is through his stomach.

 And maybe God knew this all along.  O_o  Well...I mean, He did create us...

And so, He doesn't appear to us sitting on thrones or hidden under diamonds or out of the blue.  Rather, He instituted the Eucharist so that He becomes the very nourishment of body and soul in an effort to reach out to our hearts, our very core being.  And there, He rejoices in unifying Himself with us.

Over the recent years, I've spent more time in Adoration and have gained better appreciation of Mass because of the Eucharist.  I dunno, I suppose I've had some great consolations regarding the Eucharist since high school (none of which I've talked about here so far) and my love for the Eucharist only grows and grows. So much so that I now only receive the Eucharist on my tongue for I am too much of a worm to receive Him on my hand...and better yet, I kneel to receive as well because I'm so unworthy and cannot think of a better way to lower myself before the Lord (and it's legit to do so).

My busy work schedule has kept me from attending Daily Masses and typical parish Adoration times...but I should make a more concerted effort in restoring my attendance to such things so that I can spend more time with Jesus. In the Eucharist.

Ad Jesum per Mariam,
- JD

Total Consecration: Day 31

Reading: Isaiah 53: 3-12

from St. Louis du Montfort: Letter to the Friends of the Cross, #57

Reflection & Response:
The account of the suffering servant in Isaiah really points to Jesus.  And I see Jesus becoming that suffering servant in His last hours.  Maybe I've mentioned this before, but I recall reflecting on the Sorrowful Mysteries through praying the Rosary on the way home from work not too long ago, and I came to realize one of the ongoing themes throughout the Mysteries is the flow of Jesus' blood.  He is wounded and broken and bleeding.  And to top it all, the Romans, at the urging of the mob, crucified Him.

The Crucified Jesus is a beacon of hope for all who suffer in some way.  In His Passion, He shows us what it looks like to endure suffering, and in His Resurrection, He shows us redemption from that suffering.

Every sin I commit is another cause of suffering for Christ.  An extra hammer blow, an extra millimeter of thorns, an extra crack of the whip, an extra yard carrying the already heavy wood.  And the more I think about that, the more appalling it is for me to choose sin.

In order that I may more perfectly detest my sins and its consequences, I shall go to Confession.

Ad Jesum per Mariam,
- JD