The Reality of Death

And I can say with confidence that...

We're all going to die.

My grandparents' graves

It is inevitable.

When I was younger, I attended the funerals of distant (both in blood and literally) family members, and it never really mattered to me. Like, I had no attachment to them. Sure, it was sad, but being young and not really fully appreciating what it means to grieve and mourn, it never hit me. I knew those distant family members were gone, I understood why my parents were sad, but I didn't really, truly care. It wasn't until I was an underclassman in high school that the reality of death became real to me with the death of my grandparents on my dad's side.

I actually got to know my grandparents. Even though they lived in California and I in Texas, my parents made sure that we got to visit them and that they got to visit us frequently while I was growing up. When all my dad's siblings immigrated here from the Philippines, we held annual family reunions! So, losing them at the beginning of high school was pretty hard.

With their deaths, I began to ask myself, in sadness..."How can I cope with the loss?", "Are they in heaven?" and other usual questions.

I lost my grandfather at the beginning of my freshman year of high school. Things were going downhill for him that summer. I forget what caused him to decline, but I think it had something to do with cysts that developed internally that compromised his health. I remember visiting him in the hospital and a month later having to attend his funeral. His was the first funeral I've ever been to for a close family member.

My grandmother passed away almost exactly a year later. Her memory was declining at the time of my grandfather's death, and I remember my aunt telling me that she could hear my grandfather calling out to her from beyond the grave. Creepily romantic, yeah? Late in the summer that year, she fell down and hit her head. She survived it for a while, but eventually she passed away.

When she passed away, yes, I was indeed really sad about it. But having gone through the process of grieving and mourning for my grandfather the year prior, I was more prepared this time around. But even more so, in that time between my grandfather's and grandmother's passing, I grew in my Catholic faith.

I started attending religious education classes at the start of high school as part of my learning and education in preparation for the sacrament of Confirmation. My grandfather passed away at the beginning of my freshman year, and I didn't really know how to cope. Thankfully, through those classes, I began to pay more attention to and learn more about the faith that my family has passed on to me. While I may not have understood the Catholic understanding of suffering and death at the time (maybe I still don't, or not that well), I knew that in dealing with my losses that the Catholic faith was something I could turn to. And yes, with both of their passings, I'm pretty sure I leveled up in my praying.

How can I cope? I don't know, but perhaps asking God to give my grandparents a nice little plot of heaven would be great. At least I know they'll be taken care of.

How can I deal with this sense of loss? I don't know, but maybe by asking God for a sense of peace and calm for my own sake would help me move on.

I'm pretty sure that in going through the process of the deaths of my grandparents helped solidify, in a real way, for me about being Catholic. I first realized I had to have humility. My grandparents don't belong to me nor to my dad and his many siblings. They belong to God. I had to acknowledge that there really is a God and that whenever we pass away, we hopefully return to His loving embrace in heaven. I also had to realize that the Church has given me ways to pray. When my grandmother was in the hospital, I took up a devotion to the Rosary because I didn't know how else to pray for her. Or myself. Or my family.

With praying and beginning to dive deeper into my Catholic faith, I could begin to make sense of death and how to deal with it.

So, with the passing of my grandparents, it became so, so, so real to me that...

Death is a reality. 

But there was this jerk who lived 2000 years ago who Death could not hold (that's why He's a jerk...to Death). He rose from the dead in all glory and power like He said He would. He showed us that death is not the end, and He invites us to be with Him and the Father who sent Him. Because of Him, the gates of heaven burst open! And heaven is where we can enjoy a sense of eternal joy and peace!

O Death, where is thy sting?!

...well maybe if Death had a stinger... o_O #joke

Knowing about Jesus, His Death, and His Resurrection...and His Church, I can arrive at a sense of peace when dealing with a loss.

And perhaps that's the attraction of Catholicism--that it provides a way of peace and sense in dealing with the reality of death and the teachings of Jesus on the reality of what comes after death. Catholicism doesn't have a cheap or cheesy understanding of the matter, but rather a beautifully rich and full sense of death and resurrection. And the "last things": heaven and hell.

So yeah. Looking back since then, I think coping with death always helps me turn towards my Catholic faith because through it, at least I know there is meaning and purpose. My understanding of the Church's mind on these matters is still a process of learning, understanding, and appreciating even as I deal with the deaths of others that are or are not close to me.

Please pray for my grandparents and for the repose of their souls! That they may enjoy the beatific vision of God in heaven!

- JD

Scared to Die

Yesterday, going down the nursing home's hallway, I finally came up to her room and saw that the door was open. I knocked on the door out of courtesy but no response.  I enter quietly, and I see her there fast asleep.  I made a few attempts at calling her name in order wake her, and she eventually woke up. But she started crying as soon as she woke up.

I have the privilege of visiting nursing homes about once a month. Inspired to do this after doing a week-long service camp last summer, I am part of my parish's ministry to the sick at nursing homes. We visit Catholic residents at many of the local nursing homes in order to pray with them and to minister the Holy Eucharist to them so that they receive God in Word and Flesh because they normally don't have opportunities to go to Mass due to their current health situations. I've been doing this for about a year now, and just due to the nature of interacting with elderly and sick individuals, the reality of death is very apparent to me. But, on this particular visit to one of my usual residents, the reality of death was not something I, myself, personally related to in a profound way.

In the previous times I've interacted with her, she was coherent and very talkative and good-natured.  Sometimes she has short-term memory loss.  In recent reports from my fellow ministry volunteers, it seems as though her health has declined recently. Knowing this ahead of time, I wasn't sure what to expect upon arriving.

This happens frequently where I stop by a resident's room only to find them sleeping. And I usually make a few attempts to wake them up, and in her case this time, I was able to wake her. But like I said, she started crying.

I didn't know what to do but since she's a talkative one, I kind of waited for her to explain.  She kind of apologized for being a mess because had been crying a lot. And she said, in flowing tears, that she's scared to die. I didn't know what to say.

She further explained that she had a choking episode earlier in the morning.  Through this unfortunate experience, she realized she could have died had no one helped her. And after the fact, as I was dealing with this after the fact, the reality of death must have been ... totally real to her. 

I'm not gonna lie. I'm sensitive to death. And I nearly started tearing up out of sympathy for her because that's a certain kind of suffering that I can't totally fathom, but I understand. I mean, it's understandable to be scared to die. But since I've grown deeper into my Catholic faith, death for me personally is something less to be scared of, but I know that other people aren't at peace with the idea.

She went on for a bit expressing her fears, and I tried giving her some comforting gestures like pats on her shoulder and head and that's okay to be scared. I mentioned earlier that she has some mild short-term memory loss or has a short attention span. Thank goodness though, because I was half-expecting my interactions with her to be me having to listen to her cry for a long while.  But out of nowhere she stops crying and gets distracted by the TV that was on. That led to her noticing the verse of Scripture that someone had banner'd across the top of the wall above the TV:

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. (Phil 4:13)

She explained that she's glad that [whoever] had posted that on her wall because it helps her deal with what her fears. I then felt it appropriate to let her know of a quote by St. Augustine.  I only offered it because it's something that I've been reflecting on a lot lately, and it just somehow felt fitting to give her:

...our heart is restless until it rests in You. (from his Confessions)

The way I was understanding her fear of death was that it is out of anxiety and not being at peace with the idea of death. A sort of restlessness.  In my own life right now, I'm terribly restless and have only found peace by resting in God (usually through Adoration of the Holy Eucharist). And it's been a frequent reflection of mine for a long while now.

She really liked that quote. I'm not sure that she'll remember it, and I regret not having written it down for her, but I could tell that it did strike a chord with her.

After that, I offered to read her Sunday's Gospel reading, though I read the shorter version. These were the parables that Jesus told regarding the rejoicing of finding the lost sheep as well as the woman who lost one of her coins and rejoiced after she diligently searched for it and found it. Since I read the shorter version of Sunday's Gospel reading, it didn't include the fan favorite: the parable of the prodigal son.  She really liked hearing the Gospel that I read, and she even offered her own personal reflection (briefly) from the reading.

And we kind of got back into the conversation of being scared to die. To which I then asked her if she wanted to receive the Eucharist (because she sometimes doesn't).  She was a little hesitant because she let me know that she wanted to go to Confession as well.  Haha, she actually asked me if I could hear her confession, but I told her that I can't do that since I'm not a priest, but I offered to have a priest come visit her at some point sometime soon.  She very much liked that idea.

She ultimately decided to receive Jesus in the Eucharist because she felt that it would help her deal with her restlessness and fear regarding death.  So after humbly obliging to rinsing out her dentures at her request so that she could talk better and eat better, I was able to minister the Eucharist to her.

After she received the Eucharist, she was just incredibly grateful for my visit.  And she was just really grateful for us praying together and her receiving the Eucharist. By that point, I had to leave to go visit other residents, and I assured her that I would continue praying for her and that I would call our parish office to have a priest come by and visit to hear her confession.

I left her room feeling really grateful myself for having had this opportunity.  This was my first time talking about the reality of death with a nursing home resident. They're usually A) asleep, B) wanting to talk about other things or C) incoherent.  It just seemed really providential that it all worked out this way.

I was thinking just now how this little episode visiting her kind of ties in with this past Sunday's Gospel. Would a lonesome sheep not be scared that he is separated from the rest? The woman who lost her coin was probably scared because she lost something valuable.  The prodigal son was probably freaking out once he lost everything and was fearful in coming back home.  Yet, as Jesus shows us, there's much rejoicing to be had whenever the lost has been found.  And when we know this and take it to heart, we have nothing to fear, not even death itself.

I did call my parish earlier today, and a priest will be visiting her soon! :-)

Her name is Judy. Please pray for her! ...that she finds rest and peace in God and that whenever her hour has come, she's ready to come home.

Pax.
- JD

The Return of the Prodigal Son (1773) // Pompeo Batoni, Wikipedia

7 Quick Takes (Vol. 6)

--- 1 ---

A friend of mine got married this past weekend.  Yes, it was totally a Catholic wedding.  Yes, it was more than 10 minutes long (umm...it's a Mass...). But! This was not your average Catholic wedding.  No, no, no.  Average Catholic weddings have one priest celebrating the Mass and marriage rite. But this wedding had six (6) priests con-celebrating the Mass! Picture, because it totally did happen!

Okay, 6 priests...2 deacons...1 seminarian serving as an alcolyte...2 altar servers...who's counting?

Now, I've been to a ridiculous Mass with hundreds of priests before...but...for a Catholic wedding...at least, those that I've attended, don't typically have more than one!  But of course this begs the question of why six priests?

Well, my friend is a highly-involved Catholic.  Maybe he's kind of important in the Knights of Columbus across the state of Texas on the collegiate level. Maybe he works for my diocese. Maybe he's grown to know the pastors of his college parishes. Maybe his (now) wife has a priest for an uncle... Supposedly Bishop Vann was invited to this wedding but he's kind of busy right now.

Anyway, it was a beautiful wedding!  For the sake of brevity...here are some other fun facts:

• The bride's oldest sister is actually a friend of mine from college, and she's discerning entering the religious community, the Apostles of the Interior Life in Italy (who have some religious sisters in-residence at St. Mary's in College Station, TX)
• I left home later than intended and arrived 10 minutes before Mass started (whew!), and I was totally concerned with arriving just as the bride walked down the aisle
• Because I arrived not-early, I had to sit off to the side...which apparently was Non-Catholic Nation because Communion got awkward...no one stood from their pew to get in line >_>
• Totally met a coworker that I've seen around at work but officially met him at the wedding! ...because he was an usher.
• Reception was great! Good cocktails and finger foods! Great dinner! Awesome dancing!...but I had to leave early to take care of stuff at home

And, this was the first of several Catholic weddings I'll be attending this year. :-)

--- 2 ---

This past Wednesday was my parents' 31st wedding anniversary!

We celebrated by going out to dinner at a Mexican restaurant.

Mmm...31 years...that's pretty good! I'm grateful that my parents have been a pretty awesome example of what it means to be married in terms of necessary sacrifices made for the good of each other and for the good of my bro and myself.

And in today's American society...31 years...that's commendable!

-raises glass-  Here's to many more years of joyful marriage for my parents!

--- 3 ---

I feel like a Carmelite.  This past Sunday, we had a group investiture of the Confraternity of the Brown Scapular.  In English, we had a priest induct us into a group of non-Carmelites who, now being part of the Confraternity, can share in the promises the Carmelites received from Our Lady of Mt. Carmel, where Mary appeared to St. Simon Stock and gave him the brown scapular along with a promise to those who are devoted to the brown scapular.  You can read more about all that here.

I've actually worn a brown scapular since high school...but I didn't really fully understand it until I was properly taught about it in the past year or two.  And actually, I got invested into the Confraternity in that past year or two.  This group investiture was for all the youth in the religious education program that I volunteer for and so I...just...renewed my devotion and refreshed my understanding thanks to the priest's explanation.

--- 4 ---

But wait, there's more! The priest who invested us for the brown scapular also blessed our green scapulars, which we also handed out.

Yes, he even explained the green scapular which has a different devotion for a different purpose.  You can read more about that here.

I had three green scapulars with me and got them all blessed at this time.  I do plan on getting rid of them ;-).

--- 5 ---

In a bit of sad news, Reveille VII passed away on Thursday.  Texas A&M's mascot is a purebred American Collie.  There's a story and tradition about how a dog came to be A&M's mascot.  Reveille VII was the mascot most of my time during college.  I've had photo ops with her...and I'll definitely miss her.

Freshman year

Though she was ill-tempered at times...she thankfully never bit me or barked at me.  I'm curious to know when her funeral is because...I dunno, only Texas A&M would give a dog who outranks every. single. member. of. the. Corps of Cadets a full military burial.  And the graves silently watch the scoreboard at Kyle Field.

RIP Reveille VII.

TAMU Times story on her passing here.

--- 6 ---

In other sad passing away news...one of my parents' good friends from the Philippines passed away the other morning.  Thankfully, my family and their friends had opportunities to go visit him in the past few months before he passed away.

As she was preparing her breakfast, my mom asked me a curious question on my way out of the house to go to work.  She asked, "did you hear the TV in the living room turn on at 3:30AM this morning?"  I was like...uhhhmmmmm...errr....no. Asleep.  Then she proceeded to tell me about Tito Gil passing away and my parents found out via a phone call that he had passed at way at 4:30AM. Eastern time. Which is ...3:30AM Central time.

Apparently the TV in the living room had turned itself on with the volume fully up at about that time.  My parents investigated, turned off the TV, and my mom couldn't fall back asleep.  Then they received a phone call from a friend regarding Tito Gil, and that's when they found out about his passing.

I cannot declare this coincidental out of randomness simply because that TV has not had a history of turning itself on.

This strange occurrence reminded me of the other strange and similar occurrences when my grandparents (dad's side) passed away.  Because the same exact sort of thing happened when grandfather passed away, and it was an old alarm clock radio that somehow turned itself on.  Then there was the repeated random turning on of our Bose sound system radio after my grandmother passed away.

Gosh, I guess my family seems to attract haunted electronics whenever someone close to us passes away.

Am I freaked out? Nah. It's kind of comforting, really.  It almost affirms that there is something after death.  I'm grateful to be Catholic because it puts all that in context.

Pray for the repose of Gil Gutierrez's soul. May the souls of the faithful departed rest in peace.

--- 7 ---

CONFIRMATION! We just had our Confirmation Mass at my parish, and it was beautiful! I think we had about ~100+ receive the Sacrament of Confirmation, thus completing baptismal grace by the laying of hands and anointing with oil by our pastor.  As a Confirmation teacher, this was definitely a big day, and I'm so proud of them!  Now I pray that they'll continue to live out their Catholic faith and not treat Confirmation as a sort of graduation!

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

- JD

Reveille VII / TAMU Times